What a long, strange trip it's been.
After about 30 days on the road I'm finally home. Obviously a lot has happened, and there's a lot to process. I don't really know how I feel about the entire experience, so writing this will probably help me discover that.
First off, a huge thank you to Alex Kanter AKA Che$$ on his companionship and support throughout this whole trip. There wasn't anyone else as fitting a partner than you, and I think we did well by each other for that month. It was a hell of a trip, brother.
I'm sure at least one person is reading this without knowing what I'm talking about, so I guess I'll have to explain myself. This past month, Alex and myself were travelling down and up the east coast competing in Super Smash Bros Melee Tournaments. To save money, we crashed on futons, floors, and couches in the homes of other smash players. Most of these people we had never met before, but they trusted us nonetheless and made our trip possible. We could not afford 30 days of hotels, so this aspect of the trip was essential above all else.
Also important was a constant stream of tournaments, after all, that's the point of us travelling. Che$$ and I went to 16 tournaments, making some sort of money back at every single one. That in itself was a feat we were surprised to achieve, but I guess we had it in us all along. We also picked up wins over Power Ranked players from each region. If memory serves, we had over 10 PR'd wins each, but that number changes based on the age of each ranking and other factors. Regardless, we proved ourselves to 11 different states that we are pretty good at this smash thing.
So taking all those things into consideration, it was a pretty damn successful trip.
We got a whole bunch of interviews with local talent and TO's, daily vlog posts, and other assorted footage that will go into a documentary coming out sometime... soon. I will be taking the lead role in editing, and hopefully will keep constant updates on how that is going. It's a ton of footage to go through, though, so don't expect anything soon!
The goal of the trip was, well, complicated. A primary reason we decided to go through with all the planning this trip required was that we didn't want to regret not doing it. We had no idea what would really come of it, and we knew we were taking a big risk putting ourselves out there the way we did, but once we had the idea in our heads we knew that backing off would be the biggest mistake of all.
Once we committed, our goal became self improvement. We've heard it time and time again that the best way to become an expert at this game is to travel and discover how other players approach the game. That was certainly true for us, as we felt like stronger players after just a few weeks of travel and competition. At this pace, we thought, we will reach top 100 in no time!
Well, not exactly.
Shine 2017 was our final test. It was a way to apply everything we've learned and show the world what we became over a month of grinding and travel. It was, in my head, an opportunity to prove myself, make the name "Poonslayer7" more than a silly tag, and to walk away triumphant from a difficult and strenuous journey. Sadly, I under performed both my seeding any my own expectations.
I was actually seeded to get 65th at the tournament, but instead got 129th. That's two placings below. Truly disappointing, yes, but an important lesson in ego. If I'm going to continue this smash career I need to learn how to handle high expectations. Let's be honest, the top 100 players at the tournament had way more stress than I could even imagine, so I really can't complain.
The question I need to answer now is why did I not perform as intended? I think two factors lead to this. One, I was pretty burnt out. I remember last year at Super Smash Con 2016 I was dying to play every second I was there. There was nothing stopping me from hopping on any open setup and playing for hours at a time. At Shine, I felt something closer to apathy and boredom. At times I was sleepy, hungry, or thinking about other things. I think that my wack ass diet, low quality bedding, and extensive traveling schedule just got the best of me after a month. Whatever the reason was, I just was not there to compete. I was unhappy.
The second reason was that I didn't truly apply what I learned on the trip, and that's because I just retrieved so much information so quickly. It's like being at college, going to all my classes, but not studying for the final. I was given all of this different information, learned so many mistakes, and never really having the time to work them out before competing at the hardest tournament of my life. I need some more time to really sit down and get to a place I want to be. And that leads me to my final and most important question..
What do I really want out of this? I guess the goal is to be a top player, right? We see those players walking into the VIP section, the players getting flown out to tournaments on another's dime, the people traveling the world to play a video game and making a decent living at it. Those players put in more time than I, and the only solution to that is to catch up. But I have other goals, too. I want to have a successful stream and entertain people on a constant and strict schedule. I want to implement my numerous video ideas into a successful YouTube channel. There's nothing stopping me with that except money, and a job is, well, pretty important in getting money. I'll get there I think. But for now I can only keep grinding.
I have this overwhelming need to achieve and make strides towards my end-goal, but the possibilities are so broad that I can't decide what needs to come first. This trip raised more questions than answers, opened up opportunities while revealing the impossibility of others. There's a slab of marble in front of me right now, and I need to stop wasting time picking a tool and just start chipping away. In a sense I've already started. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
And here I am again, reaching the same conclusion as every other time I write. Work harder. Who would've thought that would be the answer, besides every single adult I've ever spoken to. I hope this gets to somebody and actually makes a difference to them. If not, well, at least it helped me get the ball rolling.
Thanks for reading. Hopefully soon you'll hear how I got a job and can start saving towards those tools I need. I'm still young, still hungry, and this trip is just beginning. Take care.
