A real, actual stand up bit! Good for me!

What's important to me? What do I want to talk about when I go on stage with a mic in my hand and 5 less dollars in my pocket?

I need to discover how to unlock this part of my brain that will allow me to be a good stand up comedian. I want to create material that is relevant, honest, intricate, and fun. Let's start with smash.

I'm not sure if anybody cares or knows this, but I am a competitive video game player. I travel around the country competing in a video game for money. The game I play is the ever popular, best seller, Super Smash Brothers Melee for the Nintendo GameCube. I'm pretty good at it too. I am not exaggerating when I say that Smash is one of the top 3 most important things in my life, the other two being my immediate family and eating pussy... everything else is pennies. Smash is not just a hobby it is a lifestyle and some of my best friends are fellow smash brothers players. Look me up on youtube if you want, Poonslayer7 is what I go by. My gamertag.

If you don't know exactly how ridiculous that is, synonyms include "Vaginakiller" and "Boxdestroyer."

I like the tag, but "The Poonslayer" sounds like a creepy super villain. I feel like I need a counterpart. My arch nemesis, the "G-spot Guardian" . I try to slay, he Deflects away. I try to slay, he saves the day.


Why did I pick that name, well, Poonslayer is because I'm an irresistible man of many sexual talents and 7 because it's lucky. It may seem Ironic that a man who travels around to smelly card shops playing a video game claims such an illustrious title as "Slayer of Poon." But I truly identify with that name. I whisper it to myself on many occasions just as a little ego boost. like -

"Ah man, failed a test? Keep your head up, you're the god damn poonslayer7."



And I feel way better!


The name has caught on, which I admit is pretty uncomfortable. Some of my Girlfriend's sorority sisters call me "Daddy Poon" which is... A dream come true, honestly. Within the smash community there are probably 50 people who know me by no other name than Poonslayer. I hope that never bites me in the ass, you know? I have this feeling that I'm gonna be applying to a promotion in 10 years. I'm one of 7 people for this 1 spot in the company. It's the spot of my dreams, one might call it a G-spot. I have my suit and tie on, I'm sweating, this is the most important moment of my life. I open the doors into the conference room in front of a whole panel of executives when I see one man's eyes brighten. Beaverknight10. He stands up and loudly proclaims to the room of people with complete control over my professional career and yells "POONSLAYER!!"

"The G-Spot Guardian"

Ok, that's definitely a solid bit right there. Now is just the issue of memorizing it, which has always been a problem with me in the past. I can memorize this in two weeks no problem, perform it at the open mic, and see where it goes from there. It's something I care about, so I can definitely see myself working with this until it works.

My sister called me that once, I'm like "Relax Cersei." 

When something's missing and you don't know what

I had a bit of an epiphany over the last couple of days. It's going to sound completely redundant with just about everything else I've written in this blog when I go a long time between entries, but this time it didn't let me sleep.

Maybe it started with this weekend. St Oney's day I had the time of my life at this kid's house that I know. It started off like any other party, except for maybe the fact that a band was playing. The basement was completely packed so I didn't try to see them so I just hung outside with a few friends and drank casually, Alex being one of those friends. When I hang with Alex it's always a good time, and about half an hour into I busted out into a freestyle that was actually pretty freaking good. I think,"I'm going to incorporate as much freestyle rap as possible when I'm in front of people or a camera. This is fun!" Or something along those lines that's less coherent.

Around that point the band stopped playing, but in their dust was a drummer and a bassist. Alex pushes his way to the mic and starts busting out in some song he made up on the spot. I came on after and free styled for a little bit. We alternated, went outside, got bored, then went inside again for round two. This time Alex got on the bass and I was spitting for about 20 more minutes. It was pretty sick, and a crapload of fun. Entertaining like that fills this void in me that constantly refreshes itself and seeks more attention. Lately this yearning has been satiated by the show, and once that ended I allowed myself the spring break (and consequent snow days) to relax and drink and have fun with Ashley. Then this weekend was another party weekend, and then Monday and Tuesday presented some work I needed to do. Tuesday had an open mic (my first time performing stand up in months) and I was unprepared so I had to bust out my poem from sophomore year. When I got home that night I felt strange. I tried to sleep but couldn't and all I remember was plenty of joke ideas entering my head that I was dying to sit down and write about but I didn't and I laid there and wrote nothing, not even a premise or a simple idea. It bothered me. I really need to write again and make sure that my opportunities are not wasted.

I think the weirdest thing about this weekend was my willingness to get a tarot card reading from a girl I knew from the theater department. I was definitely in a hazy head space so maybe my participation was based mostly on that but I want to think that I had a breakthrough away from cynicism long enough to indulge in printed spirituality. Apparently I had an amazing reading, and it gave me some insights to things I already knew. I'm not sitting here advocating for mediums or any voodoo stuff like that, but I definitely liked getting the card reading. It requires cognitive dissonance for sure, but when you believe that the cards will tell you something it's allowing for an outside perspective into your own thoughts and ambitions. That's incredibly valuable, I think, and even more so that the girl giving me the reading stressed the point that I want to travel and that I need to write more. I agree on that front, I seriously need to get back on track and work on some goals.

And that, also, is the scary thing about improv. I love that I have a crew of people that will do improv comedy with me twice a week for a few hours and I think that it's helping me build valuable skills as a comedian and actor, BUT, it's satiating that void with little or no results. I'm having fun, fostering relationships and gaining experience but I have no piece of work that can be shared week after week. That's my big problem right now. Writing material for stand up.

But I've been trying for years now, I should be able to do it. I have been surrounding myself with writers and performers and actors throughout my college career and have made my comedy somewhat of a priority for a long time and I seriously think that I can come up with good material if I stop being such a lazy asshole and really sit down to write. I mean, look at this post right now. I have had a lot of this saved up for a while. My creative stomach has been making noises for months now.

So when I was tossing and turning last night I had to really think about why I couldn't fall asleep. I tried eating and brushing my teeth, that didn't work. Maybe I need to exercise more or drink more water. Maybe I was just uncomfortable or wanted sex. There's a good chance, though, that I just needed to get some of these thoughts on to paper and begin really talking to people when I go on stage. That's what I noticed with Jared, he really wants to tell people his perspective. You really gotta admire that in him. I hope to learn a lesson from him when it comes to telling an honest story and writing as often as possible.

Today is as good a day as any to get back on track. I think I'll continue in this blog today and try to figure out exactly what I'm dying to talk about. Be back soon.



Words I learned to spell: Cynicism

First day back has me feel a certain way

The first days of my last semester of College. It's already different that what I was expecting.

Actually, I don't even remember what I expected. I knew that the play was going to be a whirlwind of an experience, and that my classes were going to be easy. I had a very open day, granted Wednesday is my lightest day, but all of a sudden I'm looking forward to the rest of my college experience. I had a night with my fraternity that went well and it was actually a blast talking to all the brothers I saw. The most pressure on me right now is this show, but this show is going to be an absolute blast and I can't fricken wait.

What I'm still struggling with, though, is how I spend my free time. I always write about this, and I always get anxious about it, but slacking off and playing games has always been my biggest vice. If I'm not working hard towards finishing a project or paper then I have no excuse for not writing and getting to the point of my career that I need to be at. I got myself this far, I found a group of people that are looking to be better comedians and come with me on a journey and I can't waste this opportunity.

So how do I fight that urge? Well, I guess being less stressed from school will open me up to resist the resistance, to push forward and start a writing session when all I want to do is play smash or a game on the computer. I can keep myself in the present and continue to push forward every day, I know I can. The alternative is a long life of regret, and at that point the only thing I'll be working toward is accepting my failures as a young comic in my last college days.

I had flaws in my older lines of thinking. I use old in the sense of "not now", as this flawed reasoning I'm trying to escape dates as recently as this blog has been around. I've always tried to sit myself down and sternly say "this is what I need to accomplish" I would list out goals and for a split second I would believe that I could achieve them in a timely and proficient fashion, like a robot or a super soldier. All I would write about is the value of writing...

And that Is what I'm trying to do now. I believe that was an example "meta-meta-writing" I'll stop myself at two metas so as to keep myself sane and on topic.

So I understand I had a flaw, as I'm sure I will understand about myself again in a few short months, but I'm older now than I was before and this sentence is as meaningful as it is a run-on. I am doing okay. I will be a success in only a few short years and I firmly believe that. It's time to go after what I want.

Arbitrary anxiety

Ohhhh baby we're back.

I felt another wave of anxiety today and i couldn't pin down why.  I think a lot of people feel that way sometimes, like something is wrong but there's nothing to even think about. I guess maybe that's the problem, right? That there's nothing driving me. I'm not thinking of anything. There's nothing coming up, no deadlines, no problems that need addressing. This was a break that I needed, but I still want to work towards a goal. I think the problem now might be that I have too many goals to work towards.

I gotta figure out what I want. Not just who I want to be, because there's too many answers to that question. I guess the real issue is more philosophical than that, It's a question of purpose. It's the everlasting question of happyiness and meaning. What is the path that will lead me to as many happy moments and as few unhappy moments as possible.

I can't continue to answer that right now, because I have no idea. Maybe the only correct option is to go upstairs and work out, shower, and practice melee until tonight. I don't want to see people or hang out with friends... maybe I have social anxiety. Honestly, that wouldn't surprise me too much.

Whenever I get into the mindset of productivity, hard work, training and frequent writing etc. I get annoyed at the prospect of seeing other people and having them take that efficiency away from me. Once I start socializing for a while, i lost my steam and start down the slow path of complacency, stagnation, and finally where I am now, which is confusing and arbitrary anxiety. Is that a good way to live, though? Are my constant efforts to become productive the things that actually make me anxiious? Would giving up on the prospect of success be the right move?

Right now, I don't think so. The most obvious solution might be the right one, which is to work harder, exercise more often and try my best to make it as a comedian/writer. To keep melee in my life for as long as possible.

I need to prove myself

I've become addicted to video games. I seriously need to chill.

With the pressures of Finals Week (Yes I capitalized it, it deserves the respect) I have taken to web/phone games to ease my tension. I have't the need to study, I already have two A's, one more probably to come, and two grades I doubt will be below a B-. Academically, I did my job.

I still feel unaccomplished as of late, and I'm fully aware that It's been because of the lack of writing. I really haven't created anything worth mentioning in the last couple of weeks. I don't know why.

I get like this all the time, and it's become the main topic of what I write about, when I finally do get around to writing. There's a resistance, and it fucking sucks. It's slow and depressing and I feel the need to shake it but can't pinpoint exactly why I feel the way I do. Videogames fill the void oh so fleetingly.

Melee hasn't even been the go-to, either. Maybe because I've been working a lot that I just dick around and play games. Maybe Melee is too much stress and responsibility. Maybe I don't have long-term goals to stick to. Or maybe I'm doomed to be an ups and down sort of guy.

Maybe It's because next semester I have stuff lined up that I'm excited for. Maybe that's my problem, always thinking the future will be brighter then failing to meet the expectations I set for myself, because the future, again, is where my focus lies. For some reason my motivation has been waning, and I don't recognize the symptoms until I'm already there. I haven't been on top of things. I've been slipping.

But maybe I'm being too hard on myself. The whole shame cycle thing is getting old, no? Just fucking live and do what I've been doing, right? The plan sounds terrible. I can't even lay it out in a positive light. I need to accomplish.

Maybe this is a natural time to feel lost. Maybe I can't blame myself for refusing to choose a direction and stick to it. Maybe it's time to buckle down and really commit to one approach for a future. Put my money where my mouth is. Figure out a plan.

What could the plan be? Right now it's just to do melee and comedy as hard as I can. That's not a good plan. Those are just hobbies. I've laid out things I like to do, great for me. I'm wayyyy ahead of the curve, now!

Practice melee every day. That's just a hopeful habit. That means nothing until it's accomplished. But it's a good priority for myself.

Start working out. That's also a habit I want for myself. No replacement for initiative and hard work here, but this might be what kick starts everything else. It's like an investment in energy, confidence, and strength. I can find time.

Comedy writing is important too. I have the goal of 20 blog posts by the end of the year. That isn't a bad start. I have fewer classes next semester so this might just come easy. If I can come up with 5 really good articles, polished, confirmed to be funny, etc. Then I have the beginning of a portfolio.

Opening up the can of worms for comedy writing is the scary part. For example, I have 25 minutes until the end of this shift, but I'm still institutionally looking to play a game after I finish this article. Can I forgive myself for that? Is this good enough for the day? Will I be proud of myself tomorrow? I have no idea, and maybe I just lack the willpower to make a good decision right now.

I also need to start eating better, because I do not feel good right now. Coffee and fast food do not a healthy person make. My shitty habits are catching up to me, but there's no short term solution. Melee tonight is sure to lift my spirits, but If I do badly I have to face my ego.

I feel like I'm desperately grasping for some sort of success, some sort of achievement. Something to hold value, something to pick myself up. I feel the need to prove myself. I will prove myself.

Tomorrow.

Almost a full week...

Huh, it's been about a week. At least I caught myself.

I've been really playing a lot of games lately as a way of destressing, and I'm actually extremely willing of defending that. It helps me get my shit together, and it's good that I'm pulling together to at least get this done.

I really don't have much to do tonight, though. I definitely need to get started a little bit but I can just get a gauge of what's going on then have a good day tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a stressful day for sure, but I'm ready to have one of those. I'm not afraid of a stressful day.

I am a little concerned that I will be taking too long with the saac event, though. I want to go, I think it will be fun and a good way to stay connected, but I'm gonna be antsy about my work. It's an obligation for sure, but I also will have fun there. I think it is definitely worth my time to be there.

I should write a little bit of my screenplay, too. That's not a big deal at all, I kinda want to. That's really what I should do tonight, if I'm being honest. I could definitely get away with not doing it but I might as well end on a good note and really commit myself to finishing this project. It is a really good thing to have finished a screenplay. It will mean a lot to my resume as well as my self esteem. Plus, it would be a really fun project even if i split it into something more manageable. A story is a story is a story.

The drumming thing next semester would be really fun too.I shouldn't say would, It's will. I am signed up to do fucking drum lessons, how crazy awesome is that. I've always wanted to play the drums and having access to the practice rooms will help me destress a lot. I love learning new skills, yo. Plus, when I go home I can fucking play the DRUMS ahhh

Ok I gotta do some writing. Be right back

A better weekend than I'm allowing it to be.

Wow, what a weekend. I feel like I haven't properly celebrated yet, even though it was a fantastic weekend and a fairly successful Monday night open mic. I have a lot to be proud of.

Right now I have more to look forward to, though, and more to do. I have to start on my trivia, which isn't a huge deal but is definitely something I need to put effort towards. It should be fun, I'm gonna use Greek Mythology as one of the topics.

I feel better about my argumentation assignment after talking to Leo, even though I haven't done anything for that yet either. It's a big grade, but I'm confident that we can learn from the people who went today and come up with a good project, make a good presentation, and hand in a good paper. I'm also confident that I will study for my final in a way that has me get an A in the class. An A is totally possible with how I did on the midterm.

Org comm is even more relaxing. It's a day later, not at 8:30 in the morning, and my group is the most cohesive group I've ever worked with. It will be funny and well presented I think. Also, I should be fine for that final as well.

My obligations are starting to close out, and if I have a good day today with everything then I can close out the day with going to my buddy's show at night and properly celebrate.

Also, I forgot to mention, I won a tournament on Sunday. Over a longtime rival and the person trying to usurp me as 3rd in CNY. I held my ground and it felt good.

I have a long list to take care of and I'm itching to get to it. The more I accomplish today the easier the rest of my semester becomes. I can put some effort into a stand up set on the 8th, for example. I got another taste of stand up last night and I'm honestly dying to get back on stage.

For a while now I've been saying that stand up has been frustrating because I don't have a lot of opportunities to perform. Open mics weekly should definitely happen. If they don't happen then it's not the biggest deal, but just having them will be a great way to slowly get back into doing stand up.

After an incredibly stressful 9 days, I sit here at my desk with another seemingly difficult day ahead of me, but something is different. I'm ready to take it on. It's like I finally got my footing and I can prioritize everything and finish it out. This is the last Trivia of the semester, I want to make it a good one. I will give a short speech to be read, maybe.

Let's get this rolling, shall we?