And a really good one at that.
He's not too pushy, but stubborn. Motivated but not intense. In fact, many of his college friends were surprised he became a salesman at all. It wasn't really like him.
But he fits into the role well, and now he's at the door. He's always at the door. He won't ring the doorbell, he'll just quietly knock. All day. Every day. He doesn't care how long he waits. He knows you will come by eventually.
When you're busy it's easy to ignore him. But as soon as you stop, even for a second, you can hear his omnipotent percussion. Some people get annoyed by his presence. Others look forward to seeing him, looking over what he has to offer.
A lot of people panic. I panic sometimes, too. The second my ass hits the couch, laziness comes in. I didn't let him in, did I? How does he always know?
Half of his job is easy, he'll hand me the remote or minimize my writing software. Then he starts talking.
"Great job today." He says with a grin. "You deserve some time off."
He's so genuine, it's hard to disagree. And why would I? To tell him he's wrong is to say I'm flawed. To turn away is to admit failure. Why would I want to do that?
"This show is great. This is practically studying comedy, no?"
Shit, is he right? I've learned not to trust him, but I've heard the greats say the same thing. Is he talking to them too?
"You're not getting fat. Well, you are, but the funniest people are fat"
He's getting personal. It's okay, I tell him everything. He's my right hand man. My go-to guy. I'd hang with him all day if I could.
That's when I feel a sharp sting in my neck. Shit!
A bee zips in front of me. It screams "You're wasting time!"
It then circles around in the air until falling into my hands. It dies. I only have so many more of those guys.
My fear of death shoots me up, and I usher the salesman out the front door. "The mortalibee is right. You gotta go." I close the door behind him.
I walk upstairs and start the shower. All the while, I hear knocking.
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Whatever will be, will be.
It's been a great week.
I don't mean in terms of accomplishment or productivity. I was lazy as hell. I had the week off from work, so Ashley and I spent our time together and generally did nothing. I enjoyed that time very much.
This marks a shift in my priorities. Probably not a good shift by my own standards, but it has it's merits. For one, I wasn't pacing around like a manic baboon thinking about the time I was wasting and what I could be accomplishing. I was generally present and relaxed, next to my girlfriend on the couch for hours at a time.
I repeated one thing to myself over and over. If I want to do it, I will do it. A pretty reasonable approach to a week off, no? But I was thinking a little more long term. If I'm really to be a comedy writer, then I will be itching to follow that path sooner or later. I will be imbued with the NEED to create comedy. That did eventually happen, but after nearly five days. Not exactly a record.
It's a shift. College was a hectic time. It's built that way. You barely have time between priorities, everyone drinks like the grand canyon is filling up with blood, and everything I wrote had some sort of purpose. Now, in this limbo state of my early 20's, the world around me is less pressing, and I can just sort of relax for a second.
In reality, that's true. There is no rush. There's no reason to force myself too hard in any direction if I'm not interested in doing it. That sounds like that laziest thing I could say, but I need to say it so I don't jump off a bridge. I think I'm on the right track. A couple weeks ago, when I attempted to have a "Perfect Week", I was going crazy from unemployment and wanted some sort of job. I gave myself the job and teetered off the path. Now, I have other plans.
Before I talk about the future, I need to address the point of sharing. Sharing your plans and goals with everyone on the internet. I've read some articles that say, in a nutshell, it doesn't work. There's no extra motivation to accomplish something after you write a Facebook post about it. In fact, the same reward centers in your brain that fire off after a big accomplishment will activate when you simply tell someone about your plans. It's just a free win. Then, after we lose sight of the goal or move on to something else, our minds will make us feel better about it. Our brain comes up with excuses, little pivots and turns in our thinking that trick our conscious into believing we didn't back peddle.
So I'm hesitant to present my plans, but I'll keep them away from accomplishment and more into concrete agendas. First off, I have a job. I've had it for about a month, and recently my boss has agreed to essentially give me a promotion. Without the title, I would have more responsibilities and a higher paycheck. That's worth sharing, I think.
Also, as of yesterday, I am officially an enrolled student in the Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC. I will be taking a sketch writing course starting next Tuesday and I could not be more excited.
Along with that development, I've found a really cool group of people doing comedy in Suffern, NY called Rhino Comedy. I tried out their drop in improv class on Sunday and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I definitely see myself going there more in the future.
As with everything else that's going on, well, it's for another time. My priorities shift and change, but from now on I will not dictate them with my words. After all, I've been wrong before.
I don't mean in terms of accomplishment or productivity. I was lazy as hell. I had the week off from work, so Ashley and I spent our time together and generally did nothing. I enjoyed that time very much.
This marks a shift in my priorities. Probably not a good shift by my own standards, but it has it's merits. For one, I wasn't pacing around like a manic baboon thinking about the time I was wasting and what I could be accomplishing. I was generally present and relaxed, next to my girlfriend on the couch for hours at a time.
I repeated one thing to myself over and over. If I want to do it, I will do it. A pretty reasonable approach to a week off, no? But I was thinking a little more long term. If I'm really to be a comedy writer, then I will be itching to follow that path sooner or later. I will be imbued with the NEED to create comedy. That did eventually happen, but after nearly five days. Not exactly a record.
It's a shift. College was a hectic time. It's built that way. You barely have time between priorities, everyone drinks like the grand canyon is filling up with blood, and everything I wrote had some sort of purpose. Now, in this limbo state of my early 20's, the world around me is less pressing, and I can just sort of relax for a second.
In reality, that's true. There is no rush. There's no reason to force myself too hard in any direction if I'm not interested in doing it. That sounds like that laziest thing I could say, but I need to say it so I don't jump off a bridge. I think I'm on the right track. A couple weeks ago, when I attempted to have a "Perfect Week", I was going crazy from unemployment and wanted some sort of job. I gave myself the job and teetered off the path. Now, I have other plans.
Before I talk about the future, I need to address the point of sharing. Sharing your plans and goals with everyone on the internet. I've read some articles that say, in a nutshell, it doesn't work. There's no extra motivation to accomplish something after you write a Facebook post about it. In fact, the same reward centers in your brain that fire off after a big accomplishment will activate when you simply tell someone about your plans. It's just a free win. Then, after we lose sight of the goal or move on to something else, our minds will make us feel better about it. Our brain comes up with excuses, little pivots and turns in our thinking that trick our conscious into believing we didn't back peddle.
So I'm hesitant to present my plans, but I'll keep them away from accomplishment and more into concrete agendas. First off, I have a job. I've had it for about a month, and recently my boss has agreed to essentially give me a promotion. Without the title, I would have more responsibilities and a higher paycheck. That's worth sharing, I think.
Also, as of yesterday, I am officially an enrolled student in the Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC. I will be taking a sketch writing course starting next Tuesday and I could not be more excited.
Along with that development, I've found a really cool group of people doing comedy in Suffern, NY called Rhino Comedy. I tried out their drop in improv class on Sunday and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I definitely see myself going there more in the future.
As with everything else that's going on, well, it's for another time. My priorities shift and change, but from now on I will not dictate them with my words. After all, I've been wrong before.
Sunday, October 8, 2017
Top 10 Wholesome Jackass Stunts
Jackass has been a part of our daily lives since we were kids, and for good reason. Nowhere else on television or film were the most brilliant minds of our generation congregated to explore the human condition in such easily consumable, 2-3 minute sessions. In these stunts we learned about courage, love and loss. Most of all, we just felt good watching them. Our researchers have crafted a secret algorithm that found the top 10 most wholesome Jackass stunts. Warning, reading this list will fill you with a sense of nostalgia and just might make you shed some tears!
10. The 50-Egg challenge
Season 1, Episode 4
Nothing more American than a good ol' fashioned hard boiled egg eating challenge, and Jackass was the first show to realize it. Preston, Chris, and Stephanie sat in front of 50 delicious, wholesome hard boiled eggs. These contestants tried the best they could, but sadly were unable to finish the wonderful amount of 50 hard boiled eggs. Me and my family cherish the splendid memory of the contestants projectile vomiting over each other after 21, 8, and 3 eggs respectively.
9. Fisherman's Wharf
Season 2, Episode 7
How often have we wondered what it would be like to be put into a vat of freezing cold sardines? When nobody else seemed willing to take up the fun little challenge, Ryan Dunn was there. Now, I know that many of us would have jumped with joy into a cramped container filled with 32 degree water and smelly fish, but only Jackass could provide closure with their resources and limitless imagination. Luckily for Mr. Dunn, he smelled like fish for hours after the stunt, giving him a constant reminder of a pleasant afternoon.
8. Cow Insemination
Season 2, Episode 2
Babies. Nature. The circle of life. Just a couple of the educational topics touched on by the inspiring staff at Jackass. In this segment Johnny Knoxville goes hand deep into the beauty of animal husbandry, showing us that there's nothing disgusting at all about being a farmer. Some television shows out there rely on shock factor and dirty words, but what makes Jackass so special is it's ability to turn all that away and focus on good old fashioned segments about impregnating a cow by hand. Truly remarkable.
7. Butt Piercing
Season 2, Episode 3
Life is about taking risks. To move forward without hesitation. Jackass embodies these values more than anything else in the world ever made ever. Steve-O shows us his inspiring bravery in the third episode of season 2, when he makes the powerful decision to piece his butt cheeks together. Now, not everybody thinks this is possible, and several of his friends tell him so. Steve-O takes a stand for what he believes in and gets them pierced anyway, showing the world that if you truly want something then you should never back down or let others get in your way. After proving that the impossible was, in fact, possible, he got the piercing removed only minutes after it was put in. He's not crazy, after all!
6.Woodchipper
Season 3, Episode 1
Often times I find myself struggling through life. Sometimes it's just hard, I feel overwhelmed and just shut down completely, unable to continue. It's times like these that I think back to the most inspiring Jackass skit ever made: Woodchipper. The late, great Ryan Dunn stands in front of an industrial woodchipper as the rest of the crew feeds it with a myriad of food, clothes, paint, etc. Whenever my life is crashing around me and I can't go on, I think back to the tenacity shown by one of Jackass's greatest talents, and everything seems okay. When I stay in bed until the late afternoon, I think back to Ryan getting back on his feet after a rotten squid knocked him to the ground, and I get enough motivation to make myself breakfast at 3pm.
5. Electric Avenue
Jackass 3D
Theres nothing I love more than when the entire Jackass crew comes together and takes on a stunt as a team. In Jackass 3D the boys make their way down a hallway with active tazers and cattle prods hanging from the ceiling, tires on the floor, and love in their hearts. The quad seems to hesitate for a few seconds after the skit begins, presumably to silently pray in the hopes that their friends will pass through safely. Just then Bam and Ehren take the lead and charge through the electrified obstacle course. The leadership shown by these brave men, and the outstanding teamwork of the men to follow, are an inspiring lesson in facing your fears and working together with the people you trust. Next time I'm in a team building exercise I will make sure to show this clip and teach the lessons Jackass has immortalized through film.
4. Beehive Tetherball
Jackass 3D
Steve-O and Dave England take a little break from their stunts and shenanigans to play a game of tetherball! Of course, this is Jackass, so they need to make it slightly more educational than a simple schoolyard pastime. They added bees into a hive-sized ball and hit that around the pole, teaching us the invaluable lesson that bees are dying at an increasing and alarming rate. As Dave runs away in fear, the concept of Colony Collapse Disorder resonates through his retreat and permeates in our brains, convincing us that we must find a solution soon or the whole world will suffer. As Steve-O sticks around to finish the tetherball game, he shows us that there is hope and we must hang in there to figure all this madness out. A truly inspired piece.
3. Poo Cocktail
Season 1, Episode 1
Poo Cocktail is most elegantly described on the unofficial Jackass Wikipedia page:
"Over the course of a day, various crew members and members of the public take a dump in the portaloo. Johnny phones up his doctor to find out if he needs any immunization or protection during the stunt. To top it off, one of the crew members brings a bag full of dog shit from his two Pit Bull Terriers and empties it into the toilet."
10. The 50-Egg challenge
Season 1, Episode 4
Nothing more American than a good ol' fashioned hard boiled egg eating challenge, and Jackass was the first show to realize it. Preston, Chris, and Stephanie sat in front of 50 delicious, wholesome hard boiled eggs. These contestants tried the best they could, but sadly were unable to finish the wonderful amount of 50 hard boiled eggs. Me and my family cherish the splendid memory of the contestants projectile vomiting over each other after 21, 8, and 3 eggs respectively.
9. Fisherman's Wharf
Season 2, Episode 7
How often have we wondered what it would be like to be put into a vat of freezing cold sardines? When nobody else seemed willing to take up the fun little challenge, Ryan Dunn was there. Now, I know that many of us would have jumped with joy into a cramped container filled with 32 degree water and smelly fish, but only Jackass could provide closure with their resources and limitless imagination. Luckily for Mr. Dunn, he smelled like fish for hours after the stunt, giving him a constant reminder of a pleasant afternoon.
8. Cow Insemination
Season 2, Episode 2
Babies. Nature. The circle of life. Just a couple of the educational topics touched on by the inspiring staff at Jackass. In this segment Johnny Knoxville goes hand deep into the beauty of animal husbandry, showing us that there's nothing disgusting at all about being a farmer. Some television shows out there rely on shock factor and dirty words, but what makes Jackass so special is it's ability to turn all that away and focus on good old fashioned segments about impregnating a cow by hand. Truly remarkable.
7. Butt Piercing
Season 2, Episode 3
Life is about taking risks. To move forward without hesitation. Jackass embodies these values more than anything else in the world ever made ever. Steve-O shows us his inspiring bravery in the third episode of season 2, when he makes the powerful decision to piece his butt cheeks together. Now, not everybody thinks this is possible, and several of his friends tell him so. Steve-O takes a stand for what he believes in and gets them pierced anyway, showing the world that if you truly want something then you should never back down or let others get in your way. After proving that the impossible was, in fact, possible, he got the piercing removed only minutes after it was put in. He's not crazy, after all!
6.Woodchipper
Season 3, Episode 1
Often times I find myself struggling through life. Sometimes it's just hard, I feel overwhelmed and just shut down completely, unable to continue. It's times like these that I think back to the most inspiring Jackass skit ever made: Woodchipper. The late, great Ryan Dunn stands in front of an industrial woodchipper as the rest of the crew feeds it with a myriad of food, clothes, paint, etc. Whenever my life is crashing around me and I can't go on, I think back to the tenacity shown by one of Jackass's greatest talents, and everything seems okay. When I stay in bed until the late afternoon, I think back to Ryan getting back on his feet after a rotten squid knocked him to the ground, and I get enough motivation to make myself breakfast at 3pm.
5. Electric Avenue
Jackass 3D
Theres nothing I love more than when the entire Jackass crew comes together and takes on a stunt as a team. In Jackass 3D the boys make their way down a hallway with active tazers and cattle prods hanging from the ceiling, tires on the floor, and love in their hearts. The quad seems to hesitate for a few seconds after the skit begins, presumably to silently pray in the hopes that their friends will pass through safely. Just then Bam and Ehren take the lead and charge through the electrified obstacle course. The leadership shown by these brave men, and the outstanding teamwork of the men to follow, are an inspiring lesson in facing your fears and working together with the people you trust. Next time I'm in a team building exercise I will make sure to show this clip and teach the lessons Jackass has immortalized through film.
4. Beehive Tetherball
Jackass 3D
Steve-O and Dave England take a little break from their stunts and shenanigans to play a game of tetherball! Of course, this is Jackass, so they need to make it slightly more educational than a simple schoolyard pastime. They added bees into a hive-sized ball and hit that around the pole, teaching us the invaluable lesson that bees are dying at an increasing and alarming rate. As Dave runs away in fear, the concept of Colony Collapse Disorder resonates through his retreat and permeates in our brains, convincing us that we must find a solution soon or the whole world will suffer. As Steve-O sticks around to finish the tetherball game, he shows us that there is hope and we must hang in there to figure all this madness out. A truly inspired piece.
3. Poo Cocktail
Season 1, Episode 1
Poo Cocktail is most elegantly described on the unofficial Jackass Wikipedia page:
"Over the course of a day, various crew members and members of the public take a dump in the portaloo. Johnny phones up his doctor to find out if he needs any immunization or protection during the stunt. To top it off, one of the crew members brings a bag full of dog shit from his two Pit Bull Terriers and empties it into the toilet."
This stunt is the epitome of class. Johnny is diligent in showing his safety precautions. Cute dogs come into the story. What I love most of all is the how the actors and crew alike come together and make a stunt more than a spectacle. They make it personal.
2.Poo Cocktail Supreme
Jackass 3D
In a revamp of a stunt from their original episode, Steve-O gets flung 150 feet into the air inside a porta-potty. Following his journey's apex, the poo-pod comes back to earth and bounces a few times with the bungie cord, spilling some sort of brown liquid on Steve. Mr. -O doesn't seem to agree with this concoction, and immediately vomits on himself. I will say, this section of the show is a tad difficult to watch, and isn't exactly appropriate for some bitch ass kids. However, the show has one of it's most touching moments when Steve-O, reeling from a near death experience, goes to hug a cameraman. The two run off into the horizon to lead a beautiful life together, and just that moment makes this stunt number 2 on our most wholesome Jackass stunts.
1.Steve-O becomes a drug addict and almost loses his life.
True Life: Jackass
The most wholesome story in the Jackass narrative has got to be Steve-O's transition from a fun loving, durable clown to a withering shell filled with booze and hard drugs. In the early years of Jackass, when they were still getting their footing, I always had a suspicion that Steve-O's character had some evolving to do. He had spirit, but there was something missing. What was missing, apparently, was whippets. After diving into a several-month long bender of nitrous, PCP, and Ketamine, Steve-O was finally a complete character with a real arc we could get behind. The great actor that he was, Steve-O fully immersed himself into the character of a man withing inches of death. Strangely enough, the show runners decided not to air any footage of Steve-O abusing drugs off camera. Most of this information actually came years later, when Mr. -O made a documentary of his time in the show and pits of addiction. Regardless of how we came to know this story, it goes without saying that it delivered endless positive, fluttery, wholesome emotions that Jackass is known for.
Monday, September 11, 2017
Perfect week? No such thing.
Not exactly a perfect week. But I'll go easy on myself.
It started off well. I accomplished nearly all my goals for the first few days, except for the time editing the documentary (scheduling time for this is somewhat complicated, since I don't have the means to edit at my home.) It feels good to exercise and write daily, but soon I fell into enjoying the 'afterglow' too much and neglecting the work that put me there. No real issue, though, as I'm back to writing after a two day break.
In the past it would have been an issue for me. If you care enough to look through the earlier entries of this blog, I spend a lot of time writing about writing and getting back on track. Those were always my least favorite days, and the idea of doing yet another post talking in circles put me on edge and led to me procrastinating. God, I'm doing it again. I feel like I'm just a snake eating itself.
I'm stuck wondering why I couldn't finish a perfect week. This is a great opportunity to condemn myself, to fall into despair or self loathing. I think a less fortunate person, somebody in a less supportive environment, or with true financial problems, health problems, etc. would have a tougher time climbing out of this mindset. It's times of failure and reflection that leaves me grateful for how many safety nets I have that I didn't earn myself. I would say this is my privilege, but that word has been so heavily politicized that I now expect immediate backlash from my more right leaning family members. Fuck it, I have privilege. #feelthebern2016
Changing the topic, this Saturday brought me to a Melee tournament in NYC. I went in with almost no expectations for myself, or real plans for the day. I was sponsored last minute by my mother who felt like I deserved a tournament, which gave me a different mindset than most tournaments I enter.
I got 9th out of 63 entrants, a modest placing but better than my seeding. I made an upset in winners before losing twice in a row. In pools, I took the eventual 2nd place player to game 3. Overall, I'm just about where I want to be, but I wouldn't call it a breakout performance by any means.
After losing, I was settled but not satisfied. I got wobbled in winners (0-3 to sunn, great player) and lost a tight game 5 set to Lumble, a luigi player. I feel confident that on any day I have the capacity to beat both of these players, but yesterday was not that day. I'm happy with my continuous improvement with the game, and will continue to work towards improving my results.
I like how this melee thing works, honestly. It seems like a similar path for comedians coming up, in terms of finding success. Every day, you put your best foot forward and show people what you have been working towards. If you stand out enough, you make some money in the long run. If not, there's the capacity to embarrass yourself and question why you came out at all. Afterwards, friends get together to talk about their performances and things they need to work on. Respect is given to those on top. The best players get together outside of tournaments to play and work on stuff together. Its a brilliant combination of community and meritocracy. I'm not quite in a stand up community, but if it's half as accommodating as the melee scene, then I can't wait to join them.
Well, my dog is barking at me now, so I'll wrap this up and take her out. I want to thank everyone who reads these and takes the time to send me feedback or praise, it really makes the whole idea of these things worth it. Not sure when I'll be back, but if something important comes up I know where I'll be writing.
P.S I have officially changed my tag from Poonslayer7 to JD Gardner. I don't need your approval.
It started off well. I accomplished nearly all my goals for the first few days, except for the time editing the documentary (scheduling time for this is somewhat complicated, since I don't have the means to edit at my home.) It feels good to exercise and write daily, but soon I fell into enjoying the 'afterglow' too much and neglecting the work that put me there. No real issue, though, as I'm back to writing after a two day break.
In the past it would have been an issue for me. If you care enough to look through the earlier entries of this blog, I spend a lot of time writing about writing and getting back on track. Those were always my least favorite days, and the idea of doing yet another post talking in circles put me on edge and led to me procrastinating. God, I'm doing it again. I feel like I'm just a snake eating itself.
I'm stuck wondering why I couldn't finish a perfect week. This is a great opportunity to condemn myself, to fall into despair or self loathing. I think a less fortunate person, somebody in a less supportive environment, or with true financial problems, health problems, etc. would have a tougher time climbing out of this mindset. It's times of failure and reflection that leaves me grateful for how many safety nets I have that I didn't earn myself. I would say this is my privilege, but that word has been so heavily politicized that I now expect immediate backlash from my more right leaning family members. Fuck it, I have privilege. #feelthebern2016
Changing the topic, this Saturday brought me to a Melee tournament in NYC. I went in with almost no expectations for myself, or real plans for the day. I was sponsored last minute by my mother who felt like I deserved a tournament, which gave me a different mindset than most tournaments I enter.
I got 9th out of 63 entrants, a modest placing but better than my seeding. I made an upset in winners before losing twice in a row. In pools, I took the eventual 2nd place player to game 3. Overall, I'm just about where I want to be, but I wouldn't call it a breakout performance by any means.
After losing, I was settled but not satisfied. I got wobbled in winners (0-3 to sunn, great player) and lost a tight game 5 set to Lumble, a luigi player. I feel confident that on any day I have the capacity to beat both of these players, but yesterday was not that day. I'm happy with my continuous improvement with the game, and will continue to work towards improving my results.
I like how this melee thing works, honestly. It seems like a similar path for comedians coming up, in terms of finding success. Every day, you put your best foot forward and show people what you have been working towards. If you stand out enough, you make some money in the long run. If not, there's the capacity to embarrass yourself and question why you came out at all. Afterwards, friends get together to talk about their performances and things they need to work on. Respect is given to those on top. The best players get together outside of tournaments to play and work on stuff together. Its a brilliant combination of community and meritocracy. I'm not quite in a stand up community, but if it's half as accommodating as the melee scene, then I can't wait to join them.
Well, my dog is barking at me now, so I'll wrap this up and take her out. I want to thank everyone who reads these and takes the time to send me feedback or praise, it really makes the whole idea of these things worth it. Not sure when I'll be back, but if something important comes up I know where I'll be writing.
P.S I have officially changed my tag from Poonslayer7 to JD Gardner. I don't need your approval.
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
The Perfect Week, Day 1
Labor day is behind us at last, and the academic year has started at my Alma mater. I've heard from grad friends that the months after college are the strangest ones, but now that I'm living it I gotta say, I'm not a fan. This summer I was able to distract myself from the grinding agony of job searches with two vacations and television, but now my road stretches long into the horizon and I have nothing to reach for.
That's bullshit, of course. I'm looking for jobs, although I just started and need to send out 100 more before I join the "looking for jobs sucks" club. I can write anything I want now, which is both exciting and terrifying. I have all day to exercise, practice melee, write a one man show, look for a career, etc. but all that stuff is intimidating when there's nothing pushing me to do it.
I guess I just gotta push myself. So I came up with the idea of a "Perfect Week"
Have you ever sat in the shower after waking up at 3pm and thought out the most productive way you could lead your life? I'm sure I'm not alone, I think about it all the time. Wake up super early, go for a run and lift weights at home, eat a healthy breakfast while I write brilliant comedy and ease into lunch by practicing smash bros. Finish multiple projects, get a phone call from the mayor, save my neighbor's children from a burning building and make love to the moon. That life sounds pretty sweet, no?
Well, to make it realistic, I gotta cut back on some stuff. But even after you take away the moon affair and saving the kids (after a few fires the neighbors probably suspect me anyway) you still have a crazy productive day. My goal this week is to make it perfect, and this is how I'm gonna do it.
Daily Goals:
1. Never sleep more than 8.5 hours. Oversleeping been the biggest killer this summer for me, and weirdly enough I actually think I'm a morning person. Everything else will fall into place as long as I can make this a habit. Well, that and...
2. Exercise. I always think about getting back into shape, but I never make a good enough habit of it. Honestly, the biggest obstacle for this has been the laundry aspect. If I can work out for a week, maybe I can get enough energy to, you know, just do the goddamn laundry.
3. Write for 1.5 hours a day. And set a timer so I know it's legit. Forcing creativity is a challenging goal, and there are a ton of distractions out there that have been keeping me from my daily dose of comedy, but for one week I need to give it a shot.
4. Practice Melee for 1.5 hours. I went on a trip for a month, came back, and took a much needed break. Now it's time to take a fresh look at the game with everything I've learned and apply it. Don't know when my next tournament will be, but I'm looking to kick ass no matter where it is.
5. Edit documentary for 2 hours. We haven't started the editing process yet, but today is the day. For one week Alex and I will be getting together for 2 hours to start chipping away at this behemoth of a project. We have given ourselves a generous deadline of 4 months, but realistically there's not a ton of pressure to finish it. We just need to put our feet on the pavement and hammer it out.
Goals for end of the week
The way I see it, there are two types of goals. Tangible, and Intangible. I'm sure there's some self help book out there that has a similar theory but is worded way better. haven't read any self help books, though so this is what I got.
Tangible Goals
20 Minutes of One man show material, typed.
14 hours of footage sifted through, organized.
Basement (My future living space) Painted
All laundry done
Intangible Goals
Develop better sleeping habits
Have more energy
Become a better Melee player
Be less attached to phone/social media/mobile games
General self pride and accomplishement
Now that I've listed it all out, I gotta make sure I pull this off. I already woke up today and did my first bit of writing, but now's time for the hardest part, the run.
Wish me luck. Also, if you have any ideas of stuff to add to the list please feel free. Thanks for reading!
That's bullshit, of course. I'm looking for jobs, although I just started and need to send out 100 more before I join the "looking for jobs sucks" club. I can write anything I want now, which is both exciting and terrifying. I have all day to exercise, practice melee, write a one man show, look for a career, etc. but all that stuff is intimidating when there's nothing pushing me to do it.
I guess I just gotta push myself. So I came up with the idea of a "Perfect Week"
Have you ever sat in the shower after waking up at 3pm and thought out the most productive way you could lead your life? I'm sure I'm not alone, I think about it all the time. Wake up super early, go for a run and lift weights at home, eat a healthy breakfast while I write brilliant comedy and ease into lunch by practicing smash bros. Finish multiple projects, get a phone call from the mayor, save my neighbor's children from a burning building and make love to the moon. That life sounds pretty sweet, no?
Well, to make it realistic, I gotta cut back on some stuff. But even after you take away the moon affair and saving the kids (after a few fires the neighbors probably suspect me anyway) you still have a crazy productive day. My goal this week is to make it perfect, and this is how I'm gonna do it.
Daily Goals:
1. Never sleep more than 8.5 hours. Oversleeping been the biggest killer this summer for me, and weirdly enough I actually think I'm a morning person. Everything else will fall into place as long as I can make this a habit. Well, that and...
2. Exercise. I always think about getting back into shape, but I never make a good enough habit of it. Honestly, the biggest obstacle for this has been the laundry aspect. If I can work out for a week, maybe I can get enough energy to, you know, just do the goddamn laundry.
3. Write for 1.5 hours a day. And set a timer so I know it's legit. Forcing creativity is a challenging goal, and there are a ton of distractions out there that have been keeping me from my daily dose of comedy, but for one week I need to give it a shot.
4. Practice Melee for 1.5 hours. I went on a trip for a month, came back, and took a much needed break. Now it's time to take a fresh look at the game with everything I've learned and apply it. Don't know when my next tournament will be, but I'm looking to kick ass no matter where it is.
5. Edit documentary for 2 hours. We haven't started the editing process yet, but today is the day. For one week Alex and I will be getting together for 2 hours to start chipping away at this behemoth of a project. We have given ourselves a generous deadline of 4 months, but realistically there's not a ton of pressure to finish it. We just need to put our feet on the pavement and hammer it out.
Goals for end of the week
The way I see it, there are two types of goals. Tangible, and Intangible. I'm sure there's some self help book out there that has a similar theory but is worded way better. haven't read any self help books, though so this is what I got.
Tangible Goals
20 Minutes of One man show material, typed.
14 hours of footage sifted through, organized.
Basement (My future living space) Painted
All laundry done
Intangible Goals
Develop better sleeping habits
Have more energy
Become a better Melee player
Be less attached to phone/social media/mobile games
General self pride and accomplishement
Now that I've listed it all out, I gotta make sure I pull this off. I already woke up today and did my first bit of writing, but now's time for the hardest part, the run.
Wish me luck. Also, if you have any ideas of stuff to add to the list please feel free. Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
Smash Trip 2017, A Recap
What a long, strange trip it's been.
After about 30 days on the road I'm finally home. Obviously a lot has happened, and there's a lot to process. I don't really know how I feel about the entire experience, so writing this will probably help me discover that.
First off, a huge thank you to Alex Kanter AKA Che$$ on his companionship and support throughout this whole trip. There wasn't anyone else as fitting a partner than you, and I think we did well by each other for that month. It was a hell of a trip, brother.
I'm sure at least one person is reading this without knowing what I'm talking about, so I guess I'll have to explain myself. This past month, Alex and myself were travelling down and up the east coast competing in Super Smash Bros Melee Tournaments. To save money, we crashed on futons, floors, and couches in the homes of other smash players. Most of these people we had never met before, but they trusted us nonetheless and made our trip possible. We could not afford 30 days of hotels, so this aspect of the trip was essential above all else.
Also important was a constant stream of tournaments, after all, that's the point of us travelling. Che$$ and I went to 16 tournaments, making some sort of money back at every single one. That in itself was a feat we were surprised to achieve, but I guess we had it in us all along. We also picked up wins over Power Ranked players from each region. If memory serves, we had over 10 PR'd wins each, but that number changes based on the age of each ranking and other factors. Regardless, we proved ourselves to 11 different states that we are pretty good at this smash thing.
So taking all those things into consideration, it was a pretty damn successful trip.
We got a whole bunch of interviews with local talent and TO's, daily vlog posts, and other assorted footage that will go into a documentary coming out sometime... soon. I will be taking the lead role in editing, and hopefully will keep constant updates on how that is going. It's a ton of footage to go through, though, so don't expect anything soon!
The goal of the trip was, well, complicated. A primary reason we decided to go through with all the planning this trip required was that we didn't want to regret not doing it. We had no idea what would really come of it, and we knew we were taking a big risk putting ourselves out there the way we did, but once we had the idea in our heads we knew that backing off would be the biggest mistake of all.
Once we committed, our goal became self improvement. We've heard it time and time again that the best way to become an expert at this game is to travel and discover how other players approach the game. That was certainly true for us, as we felt like stronger players after just a few weeks of travel and competition. At this pace, we thought, we will reach top 100 in no time!
Well, not exactly.
Shine 2017 was our final test. It was a way to apply everything we've learned and show the world what we became over a month of grinding and travel. It was, in my head, an opportunity to prove myself, make the name "Poonslayer7" more than a silly tag, and to walk away triumphant from a difficult and strenuous journey. Sadly, I under performed both my seeding any my own expectations.
I was actually seeded to get 65th at the tournament, but instead got 129th. That's two placings below. Truly disappointing, yes, but an important lesson in ego. If I'm going to continue this smash career I need to learn how to handle high expectations. Let's be honest, the top 100 players at the tournament had way more stress than I could even imagine, so I really can't complain.
The question I need to answer now is why did I not perform as intended? I think two factors lead to this. One, I was pretty burnt out. I remember last year at Super Smash Con 2016 I was dying to play every second I was there. There was nothing stopping me from hopping on any open setup and playing for hours at a time. At Shine, I felt something closer to apathy and boredom. At times I was sleepy, hungry, or thinking about other things. I think that my wack ass diet, low quality bedding, and extensive traveling schedule just got the best of me after a month. Whatever the reason was, I just was not there to compete. I was unhappy.
The second reason was that I didn't truly apply what I learned on the trip, and that's because I just retrieved so much information so quickly. It's like being at college, going to all my classes, but not studying for the final. I was given all of this different information, learned so many mistakes, and never really having the time to work them out before competing at the hardest tournament of my life. I need some more time to really sit down and get to a place I want to be. And that leads me to my final and most important question..
What do I really want out of this? I guess the goal is to be a top player, right? We see those players walking into the VIP section, the players getting flown out to tournaments on another's dime, the people traveling the world to play a video game and making a decent living at it. Those players put in more time than I, and the only solution to that is to catch up. But I have other goals, too. I want to have a successful stream and entertain people on a constant and strict schedule. I want to implement my numerous video ideas into a successful YouTube channel. There's nothing stopping me with that except money, and a job is, well, pretty important in getting money. I'll get there I think. But for now I can only keep grinding.
I have this overwhelming need to achieve and make strides towards my end-goal, but the possibilities are so broad that I can't decide what needs to come first. This trip raised more questions than answers, opened up opportunities while revealing the impossibility of others. There's a slab of marble in front of me right now, and I need to stop wasting time picking a tool and just start chipping away. In a sense I've already started. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
And here I am again, reaching the same conclusion as every other time I write. Work harder. Who would've thought that would be the answer, besides every single adult I've ever spoken to. I hope this gets to somebody and actually makes a difference to them. If not, well, at least it helped me get the ball rolling.
Thanks for reading. Hopefully soon you'll hear how I got a job and can start saving towards those tools I need. I'm still young, still hungry, and this trip is just beginning. Take care.
After about 30 days on the road I'm finally home. Obviously a lot has happened, and there's a lot to process. I don't really know how I feel about the entire experience, so writing this will probably help me discover that.
First off, a huge thank you to Alex Kanter AKA Che$$ on his companionship and support throughout this whole trip. There wasn't anyone else as fitting a partner than you, and I think we did well by each other for that month. It was a hell of a trip, brother.
I'm sure at least one person is reading this without knowing what I'm talking about, so I guess I'll have to explain myself. This past month, Alex and myself were travelling down and up the east coast competing in Super Smash Bros Melee Tournaments. To save money, we crashed on futons, floors, and couches in the homes of other smash players. Most of these people we had never met before, but they trusted us nonetheless and made our trip possible. We could not afford 30 days of hotels, so this aspect of the trip was essential above all else.
Also important was a constant stream of tournaments, after all, that's the point of us travelling. Che$$ and I went to 16 tournaments, making some sort of money back at every single one. That in itself was a feat we were surprised to achieve, but I guess we had it in us all along. We also picked up wins over Power Ranked players from each region. If memory serves, we had over 10 PR'd wins each, but that number changes based on the age of each ranking and other factors. Regardless, we proved ourselves to 11 different states that we are pretty good at this smash thing.
So taking all those things into consideration, it was a pretty damn successful trip.
We got a whole bunch of interviews with local talent and TO's, daily vlog posts, and other assorted footage that will go into a documentary coming out sometime... soon. I will be taking the lead role in editing, and hopefully will keep constant updates on how that is going. It's a ton of footage to go through, though, so don't expect anything soon!
The goal of the trip was, well, complicated. A primary reason we decided to go through with all the planning this trip required was that we didn't want to regret not doing it. We had no idea what would really come of it, and we knew we were taking a big risk putting ourselves out there the way we did, but once we had the idea in our heads we knew that backing off would be the biggest mistake of all.
Once we committed, our goal became self improvement. We've heard it time and time again that the best way to become an expert at this game is to travel and discover how other players approach the game. That was certainly true for us, as we felt like stronger players after just a few weeks of travel and competition. At this pace, we thought, we will reach top 100 in no time!
Well, not exactly.
Shine 2017 was our final test. It was a way to apply everything we've learned and show the world what we became over a month of grinding and travel. It was, in my head, an opportunity to prove myself, make the name "Poonslayer7" more than a silly tag, and to walk away triumphant from a difficult and strenuous journey. Sadly, I under performed both my seeding any my own expectations.
I was actually seeded to get 65th at the tournament, but instead got 129th. That's two placings below. Truly disappointing, yes, but an important lesson in ego. If I'm going to continue this smash career I need to learn how to handle high expectations. Let's be honest, the top 100 players at the tournament had way more stress than I could even imagine, so I really can't complain.
The question I need to answer now is why did I not perform as intended? I think two factors lead to this. One, I was pretty burnt out. I remember last year at Super Smash Con 2016 I was dying to play every second I was there. There was nothing stopping me from hopping on any open setup and playing for hours at a time. At Shine, I felt something closer to apathy and boredom. At times I was sleepy, hungry, or thinking about other things. I think that my wack ass diet, low quality bedding, and extensive traveling schedule just got the best of me after a month. Whatever the reason was, I just was not there to compete. I was unhappy.
The second reason was that I didn't truly apply what I learned on the trip, and that's because I just retrieved so much information so quickly. It's like being at college, going to all my classes, but not studying for the final. I was given all of this different information, learned so many mistakes, and never really having the time to work them out before competing at the hardest tournament of my life. I need some more time to really sit down and get to a place I want to be. And that leads me to my final and most important question..
What do I really want out of this? I guess the goal is to be a top player, right? We see those players walking into the VIP section, the players getting flown out to tournaments on another's dime, the people traveling the world to play a video game and making a decent living at it. Those players put in more time than I, and the only solution to that is to catch up. But I have other goals, too. I want to have a successful stream and entertain people on a constant and strict schedule. I want to implement my numerous video ideas into a successful YouTube channel. There's nothing stopping me with that except money, and a job is, well, pretty important in getting money. I'll get there I think. But for now I can only keep grinding.
I have this overwhelming need to achieve and make strides towards my end-goal, but the possibilities are so broad that I can't decide what needs to come first. This trip raised more questions than answers, opened up opportunities while revealing the impossibility of others. There's a slab of marble in front of me right now, and I need to stop wasting time picking a tool and just start chipping away. In a sense I've already started. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
And here I am again, reaching the same conclusion as every other time I write. Work harder. Who would've thought that would be the answer, besides every single adult I've ever spoken to. I hope this gets to somebody and actually makes a difference to them. If not, well, at least it helped me get the ball rolling.
Thanks for reading. Hopefully soon you'll hear how I got a job and can start saving towards those tools I need. I'm still young, still hungry, and this trip is just beginning. Take care.
Monday, June 19, 2017
What do I need to do to succeed?
So Im back from my vacation. It's been a couple of days, actually. The first day I got back I did absolutely nothing, then the day after I kinda did nothing again. Yesterday was the first day that I tried working out and writing the last blog post so it was somewhat productive. Now that I'm all settled and just about anti-jetlagged I can start working towards...well, I guess that's the confusing part.
I was explaining my situation to somebody recently and said that I know what I want to be, I know what it takes to get there, now it's just up to me to put the work in. I can't be sure about the first two things, though. Like, do I really know what I want to be? Not really. I know what I want to be involved in. I know what I like doing and what I'm good at compared to other things. But I couldn't tell you right now what my life is going to be like in another 5 years or so. Even if I did know, I couldn't tell you what I needed to do to get to that point. I could work at it every day for a month and still fall short of my goals. I dont know how hard I need to push to get there, honestly. Maybe it's 2 hours a day, but maybe that's not enough. 4 hours would be better, but maybe it would stress me out and I would fall off the wagon. Maybe all it would take is 30 minutes of solid writing mixed with performances and videos. All in all, I serisouly don't know how to go about doing this.
That's okay, though. Nobody in the history of the world has known for certain their own future and I'm no different. I guess I just have to trust that I'm at least close to the truth with my plan, that working every day towards something is better than what a lot of people out there are doing, that being introspective this morning may or may not help me but at least it's something. So now, like many many other posts on this dumb personal blog, I will make a concious effort to break off and see what I can actually work on as opposed to just rambling and meta-writing.
I would lke to make another smash skit soon. It would be good to have a collection of them or something. The one I saw the other day about the dad finding out you play smash was so fucking terrible and it honestly made me angry. It was bad acting, slow, and had that obvious click-bait title. But they're out there, man. They're making stuff. I can't be angry if other content creators are successful just because I am not. I guess I just need to be working on my own stuff too.
I think the top 20 diss rap is the next thing on my agenda. Let me get some coffee and knock this shit out.
I was explaining my situation to somebody recently and said that I know what I want to be, I know what it takes to get there, now it's just up to me to put the work in. I can't be sure about the first two things, though. Like, do I really know what I want to be? Not really. I know what I want to be involved in. I know what I like doing and what I'm good at compared to other things. But I couldn't tell you right now what my life is going to be like in another 5 years or so. Even if I did know, I couldn't tell you what I needed to do to get to that point. I could work at it every day for a month and still fall short of my goals. I dont know how hard I need to push to get there, honestly. Maybe it's 2 hours a day, but maybe that's not enough. 4 hours would be better, but maybe it would stress me out and I would fall off the wagon. Maybe all it would take is 30 minutes of solid writing mixed with performances and videos. All in all, I serisouly don't know how to go about doing this.
That's okay, though. Nobody in the history of the world has known for certain their own future and I'm no different. I guess I just have to trust that I'm at least close to the truth with my plan, that working every day towards something is better than what a lot of people out there are doing, that being introspective this morning may or may not help me but at least it's something. So now, like many many other posts on this dumb personal blog, I will make a concious effort to break off and see what I can actually work on as opposed to just rambling and meta-writing.
I would lke to make another smash skit soon. It would be good to have a collection of them or something. The one I saw the other day about the dad finding out you play smash was so fucking terrible and it honestly made me angry. It was bad acting, slow, and had that obvious click-bait title. But they're out there, man. They're making stuff. I can't be angry if other content creators are successful just because I am not. I guess I just need to be working on my own stuff too.
I think the top 20 diss rap is the next thing on my agenda. Let me get some coffee and knock this shit out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)