Not exactly a perfect week. But I'll go easy on myself.
It started off well. I accomplished nearly all my goals for the first few days, except for the time editing the documentary (scheduling time for this is somewhat complicated, since I don't have the means to edit at my home.) It feels good to exercise and write daily, but soon I fell into enjoying the 'afterglow' too much and neglecting the work that put me there. No real issue, though, as I'm back to writing after a two day break.
In the past it would have been an issue for me. If you care enough to look through the earlier entries of this blog, I spend a lot of time writing about writing and getting back on track. Those were always my least favorite days, and the idea of doing yet another post talking in circles put me on edge and led to me procrastinating. God, I'm doing it again. I feel like I'm just a snake eating itself.
I'm stuck wondering why I couldn't finish a perfect week. This is a great opportunity to condemn myself, to fall into despair or self loathing. I think a less fortunate person, somebody in a less supportive environment, or with true financial problems, health problems, etc. would have a tougher time climbing out of this mindset. It's times of failure and reflection that leaves me grateful for how many safety nets I have that I didn't earn myself. I would say this is my privilege, but that word has been so heavily politicized that I now expect immediate backlash from my more right leaning family members. Fuck it, I have privilege. #feelthebern2016
Changing the topic, this Saturday brought me to a Melee tournament in NYC. I went in with almost no expectations for myself, or real plans for the day. I was sponsored last minute by my mother who felt like I deserved a tournament, which gave me a different mindset than most tournaments I enter.
I got 9th out of 63 entrants, a modest placing but better than my seeding. I made an upset in winners before losing twice in a row. In pools, I took the eventual 2nd place player to game 3. Overall, I'm just about where I want to be, but I wouldn't call it a breakout performance by any means.
After losing, I was settled but not satisfied. I got wobbled in winners (0-3 to sunn, great player) and lost a tight game 5 set to Lumble, a luigi player. I feel confident that on any day I have the capacity to beat both of these players, but yesterday was not that day. I'm happy with my continuous improvement with the game, and will continue to work towards improving my results.
I like how this melee thing works, honestly. It seems like a similar path for comedians coming up, in terms of finding success. Every day, you put your best foot forward and show people what you have been working towards. If you stand out enough, you make some money in the long run. If not, there's the capacity to embarrass yourself and question why you came out at all. Afterwards, friends get together to talk about their performances and things they need to work on. Respect is given to those on top. The best players get together outside of tournaments to play and work on stuff together. Its a brilliant combination of community and meritocracy. I'm not quite in a stand up community, but if it's half as accommodating as the melee scene, then I can't wait to join them.
Well, my dog is barking at me now, so I'll wrap this up and take her out. I want to thank everyone who reads these and takes the time to send me feedback or praise, it really makes the whole idea of these things worth it. Not sure when I'll be back, but if something important comes up I know where I'll be writing.
P.S I have officially changed my tag from Poonslayer7 to JD Gardner. I don't need your approval.
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