Been a little while since I shook off all the muck.
Not that muckiness has been building up, or that I haven't had any sort of outlet. To tell the truth, things have been going well the last few weeks. I wish I was more consistent with my moods, but I'm not sure if that's something I can exactly will into existence. The only consistency I can actually have is that of my habits, my work ethic, and how I spend my free time. All of those things are in check, and I'll give them a 7/10 for the passed week. Not too shabby.
Living in my own apartment has more ups than downs, fortunately. I have to be a big boy now with my expenses, but that's just a matter of living within my means. no biggie. It's actually been pretty rewarding to shift into a more frugal mindset, to shop with purpose, to cost-benefit analyze my weekends and hobbies. It's made me realize the appeal of getting a good job, a fat paycheck, a high income. I enjoy where I'm at now, though, so I don't feel a pressure to prioritize having more. I guess I just don't judge people for working jobs that make them a lot of money the same way I used to.
It's funny how much judgement goes on for other people's careers. I don't feel that judgement towards myself, since I've become really good at explaining my workplace in a favorable or entertaining way. That's a luxury that I've crafted for myself, unique to people with a performative side and a storage of confidence fostered by good parents. For a lot of folks, there seems to be this highly binary and surface level discussion of what makes a good job. Is it soul-crushing, or are you passionate about it? Do you make a lot of money or not nearly enough?
This is somewhat of an ingrained conversation to me, stemming from the drastic difference of opinions of my long divorced parents. I was drinking from two pools simultaneously, the "stability leads to happiness" approach and the "Make passion your job and you'll never need to work" approach. At first, this was a perfect recipe for perpetual cognitive dissonance. Then, somewhere in college, I decided that neither one of them had merit at the exact same time. That's when I overbooked myself and worked very hard at a lot of things I didn't enjoy. It seriously put the "con" in contrapositive. that joke is amazing
So an unstable life doing things I don't enjoy... that's no bueno. I feel bad for the people who pursued finance jobs or other insanely demanding NYC jobs because they thought more money = more stability. I'm sure I don't need to preach on how that's not the case, since there's a thing as work/life balance, etc. The tough part, and what's interesting to me, is figuring out where all these concepts actually fit together. How do I pursue passions in a stable way? Actually, shit, it's not that hard. I'm already doing that. Introspection over, life solved, time to live up my 20's.
Nah, of course it's not that easy. At this point in time, though, I don't feel pressured to ask myself anymore about this. For real, no lie. I've gotten pretty good at pressing on the gas enough to keep things moving, but not so much as to lose control or take on too much. I have things on my agenda, some "extra curriculars" that need my attention, but truthfully I know that they're just opportunities to feel accomplishment one they're finished. That's, well, not too bad!
I'm coming out of a slump now, and it feels good to have some positivity to share again. This is just a snapshot, I still need to keep these things afloat of course, but for now I'll enjoy it. It's a beautiful day, too! Not too shabby.
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