It's More Than Melee

I'll go easy on myself this time.

Last weekend I went to Super Smash Con, a yearly tournament and convention in Virginia that entirely centers around, well, Super Smash Bros. It's a great time if you're as into it as I am, and being in a place where other people share your same obsession is really what the ideal "nerd" life comes down to. Comicon, Twitchcon, all the 'Cons, they're all celebrations of people's passions. That whole conversation is more of a vibe thing, though. I was really there to compete, as I do a few times a year at these "Major" tournaments.

Most of what I want to write about here is just a precursor to my podcast, since that's entirely focused on Melee, Will and I's experiences with it, and what we want out of it. I just realized now, four days after, that I had a very dense and compact experience, and that it will take more than the passive passage of time for me to fully absorb it. I love Majors for this reason, in that there's so much to take in and so much to learn.

When I talk about these tournaments to new players going to their first, I try not to fall into the tropes of a veteran's advice. "Have fun" or "Make the most of it!" are bullshit one liners that mean nothing, even though they're technically true. I don't look at these events as places where I'll have fun, since I'll have a good time regardless. I can't possibly make the most of it, since that doesn't really describe of what Is being made the most. Maybe I should make the most fun. Having the most fun is quite the achievement, and it usually goes to that one 8 year old that shows up with their parents and plays on the casual set up with three other kids. That's the most fun, absolutely. Good luck competing with that.

Sometimes it's hard to understand how to handle yourself at these events. Being a serious competitor makes it all much easier, though. I get to segment my weekend into distinguishable parts, tackling each part head on and applying lowering levels of discipline each time. For instance, when I first arrive at the hotel or venue, my goal is to do well in bracket. That's it. I will say hi to friends that I haven't seen in months, but it's not on my agenda to seek them out. I'm here to play, to warm up, to practice, and to compete. I will prioritize sleep and nutrition. I will be upfront those in my same hotel room, letting them know my individual needs and asking them to wait until later in the weekend to degenerate too hard. Ya do what ya gotta do. After all, we only get one shot at it.

Once I'm out of tournament though, that's when things heat up. One thing about this community, and I think it's actually a unique characteristic in the gaming world, is that we all know how to have a good time. We're playing a party game after all, so logic says we should have acquired some skill in how to party. We also play an old game, ie. no online play. We've been forced to travel to each others houses if we want to actually practice. Social interaction is important to us, and I take pride in that the friends I've made in the smash community would be a great time in almost any setting, with or without smash. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to have a friendlies room at my wedding, though.

The toughest thing about these weekend trips is the adjustment period afterwards. These last few days are historically when I have the worst time, when I need to get back onto a normal sleep schedule and catch up on any responsibilities pushed off by a full weekend. I actually did not have a bad time this week, likely since I avoided eating entirely fast food outside the venue, but some people don't get the same leniency. There are top players that make their living by traveling constantly, and if they treated these tournaments the same way I did then they would need to quit within a few months. Sustainability and health is a big conversation that's only being had among the top players. Interesting how that works, yea?

Outside of smash, there still exists that strange dichotomy of healthy living and finding joy. Alcohol is the x factor, but food, television, Social media, etc. are all a part of that equation. Video games likely rank as one of the most satisfying and addictive means of finding pleasure, and the culture around it oftentimes focuses on maximizing that fun in the micro as opposed to the macro. Late night sessions and drinking full bottles, gamers are often looking for that *ugh* epic night. 

I think I'm starting to develop my own philosophy on this, in that I want to be able to have a medium amount of fun for as long as possible. I don't want to give up these wonderful trips, where I hang out with some of my favorite people in the only circumstances that I see them, just because I consistently feel sick and tired every time I return home. Alternatively, I need to be able to let my id run free, since a total focus on my longevity will take me out of the moment and lead me into an anxious and boring life. Striking the balance is my goal now, and it's actually been more of a positive experience than I could have hoped for. I don't feel like shit now, and I had a good time then. All around, pretty damn good. That's a my goal, to have a pretty damn good time, all the time.

Returning home on Sunday night, 1:30 AM, with a bag full of dirty clothes and a phone completely drained of battery, there's an undeniable feeling that I have created an important set of memories. This time around I made it a focus to spend time with a few important people, meet a few more, and not let anything get too "big picture-y." I played a lot of super smash bros. That's the real point.

I actually love this point of the trip, a few days afterwards during quiet, sober reflection, because it's when everything is the most clear. I have identified a cornerstone of my life, and have spent enough time with it and gotten good enough at it (49th out of ~850) that I can be proud in proclaiming how important it is to me. It's allowed me to be creative, pushed me to produce, and given me a sense of community practically on demand. It's allowed me to more fully understand what I value in my life, not fun or health but the cross section between them. I have another major next weekend, which is another opportunity to test my philosophy and spend time with important folks. I want to do well, but even that stress doesn't weigh on me the same way it once did. I don't compete to win, or to increase my reputation. I compete to explore myself. This is how I grow.

I'm also accepting all money matches, come at me nerds.

"Hilariously Misguided Rantings of a Slow-Moving Train wreck"

I only write first thing in the morning. It's the only time of the day where I don't need to twist my own arm to sit down and start, the only time when my mind feels defogged and ready to bounce around. Sometimes I wish I could do it at any point, and not just when my body tells me it's the right time.

I think a lot of what I do is because it's the path of little resistance. I like to minimize the amount of anxiety that I get.. which doesn't sound profound or unique at all. An optimist would say I'm simply following my heart. I do that which makes me happy, in the moment. This means I play a lot of video games, sure, but I've also found that too much of those, and at the wrong times, makes me unhappy.

I have a framework in my head that leads me to do only that which flows easily and without much turmoil. It's great in the moment, I usually sleep just fine at night, but in times of somber, early morning reflection, I'll get caught up in the practicality of it all. How much should I value this level of comfort? It makes me a happy dude, for sure. The whole philosophy of doing what you enjoy is helpful when things go sour and you need time to get back on that serotonin kick. I've found that I enjoy pushing myself too, breaking through the initial discomfort of learning a new task or starting a new venture. There is really nothing to worry about, since I've proven to myself time and time again that I'm willing to put myself in difficult situations just to see if I can pull it off. I did it in college, albeit to an excess, and through that experience I've learned to really hone this whole mindset thing to something I actually have pride in.

For once I'm not using this blog to berate myself. I think I've got a good thing going.

Now, I don't know how to give advice on "achieving" this mindset, nor do I even know how this will turn out, so maybe I shouldn't suggest it at all. Who knows. This will be valuable in 8 years, when the results come in and I get to point at things to say "See? Follow your heart, take your time, etc." I long for the day when I can legitimately help people find their own happiness, because right now, even if I have something good on my hands, there's no way to tell if I'm doing the right thing. This is all a long game. I could be wrong, my family and friends could be wrong, and this whole blog could be renamed the "hilariously misguided rantings of a slow-moving train wreck." Seriously, who knows.

That's why I'm always hard on myself, I think. At least in these posts, when it's time for me to sit with myself and try to etch my sub-conscious into the real world, It's most valuable for me to be critical. What's the point in listing out what's been going right with me? It would be more embarrassing to read these in 8 years and see my 24-year old self popping off about a good day at work than a sad deconstruction of my own ego. If you want to know what's going well in my life, ask me in person. I'll likely tell you then, since I can actually see you smile.