On Thursday, World of Warcraft Classic made it's long anticipated entrance back into my life. Like most 9-5 working adults I have only limited opportunities to put my time into this sort of game, and this weekend blessed me with the perfect storm: Girlfriend out for the weekend, Labor day, and only a few responsibilities of my own. I would end up jumping back into a game that had been a huge part of my early teenage years, for better or worse.
There are a lot of ways to approach this topic, and realistically I'm only writing this to explore my own thoughts on the matter. Let's get this out of the way first, I spent 28 hours in the game, over a 4 day span. That's seven hours a day, dog. That's a pure binge.
And with any binge, Netflix or otherwise, there's a degree of shame that comes along for the ride. I'm not sure where that shame comes from, my guess is it's a remnant of my parent's voice as a 14 year old, who also spent every second he could immersed in WoW. Maybe there's some regret about how I spent my Saturday, and that the opportunity cost of playing a game I enjoy was that I was falling behind on creative endeavors or other entrepreneurial pursuits. Or maybe I've internalized what it means to spend "too much" time playing, and no matter what I do with my life or what position I am in, I will have the urge to turn around, point my finger up and say with confidence "I am ok with this, and I will prove it to you." If I'm being completely truthful, I would say that I'm really not that ashamed of myself at all, and that I had a good time, and that I would do it again.
The long term planning, intellectual side of my brain gives off little warning signs when I admit to these types of things. I need to listen to that, because even though society is bullshit and we should be able to enjoy ourselves without strings attached or a master plan to monetize every single thing we do, there are still parts of myself that know what it's like to make the mistake of playing too much. Shame can have a purpose, and it can save us. It's what brought me to write this down, rather than rush to level 24 in the hour I have to play this morning. It's what made me quit in the past and refuse to bring a computer to college, entirely out of fear that I would lean on the gaming too much and fall behind. And even though I just started playing this game, and that it's been out for less than a week, I understand that there is no room in my life to maintain this level of commitment. I will enjoy it until it's no longer fun, and then I will phase it out. And there's no shame in that.
I'm going to have this conversation with myself again, no doubt. Video games are in an interesting place right now, where there is room to leverage them into careers or side hustles, and the way we treat them has become intertwined with capitalism and our society at large. Super preachy here, let's chill for a second.
Gaming doesn't have to have an end goal... Right? I can just enjoy my time off, hang in voice chat with my friends, and immerse myself in a world that hasn't existed in years. My gut says that there is value here, and that should be enough.
Maybe later in my life all of these luxuries will be gone. Perhaps I will have kids, and when I'm sitting at a tee-ball game I will day dream of the last time I had a Saturday off, killing mobs and healing through dungeons. If I really want to live in a delusional world, I might say that I have a responsibility to my future self to play as much as humanly possible, front loading my enjoyment and giving myself plenty of memories to cling on too when my time becomes a scarce resource.
Who knows why I'm not ashamed. Maybe I'm less ambitious than I once thought, or maybe I want to hide from the giant mistakes I've made. It's honestly tough to say. I won't lash myself for the sake of seeming like I have a successful mindset. That's just not the way I roll. I'm here for a good time, baby! Live large and no regrets, etc. etc.
But man, this weekend was a good time. Here's to next labor day.
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