First day back has me feel a certain way

The first days of my last semester of College. It's already different that what I was expecting.

Actually, I don't even remember what I expected. I knew that the play was going to be a whirlwind of an experience, and that my classes were going to be easy. I had a very open day, granted Wednesday is my lightest day, but all of a sudden I'm looking forward to the rest of my college experience. I had a night with my fraternity that went well and it was actually a blast talking to all the brothers I saw. The most pressure on me right now is this show, but this show is going to be an absolute blast and I can't fricken wait.

What I'm still struggling with, though, is how I spend my free time. I always write about this, and I always get anxious about it, but slacking off and playing games has always been my biggest vice. If I'm not working hard towards finishing a project or paper then I have no excuse for not writing and getting to the point of my career that I need to be at. I got myself this far, I found a group of people that are looking to be better comedians and come with me on a journey and I can't waste this opportunity.

So how do I fight that urge? Well, I guess being less stressed from school will open me up to resist the resistance, to push forward and start a writing session when all I want to do is play smash or a game on the computer. I can keep myself in the present and continue to push forward every day, I know I can. The alternative is a long life of regret, and at that point the only thing I'll be working toward is accepting my failures as a young comic in my last college days.

I had flaws in my older lines of thinking. I use old in the sense of "not now", as this flawed reasoning I'm trying to escape dates as recently as this blog has been around. I've always tried to sit myself down and sternly say "this is what I need to accomplish" I would list out goals and for a split second I would believe that I could achieve them in a timely and proficient fashion, like a robot or a super soldier. All I would write about is the value of writing...

And that Is what I'm trying to do now. I believe that was an example "meta-meta-writing" I'll stop myself at two metas so as to keep myself sane and on topic.

So I understand I had a flaw, as I'm sure I will understand about myself again in a few short months, but I'm older now than I was before and this sentence is as meaningful as it is a run-on. I am doing okay. I will be a success in only a few short years and I firmly believe that. It's time to go after what I want.