Arbitrary anxiety

Ohhhh baby we're back.

I felt another wave of anxiety today and i couldn't pin down why.  I think a lot of people feel that way sometimes, like something is wrong but there's nothing to even think about. I guess maybe that's the problem, right? That there's nothing driving me. I'm not thinking of anything. There's nothing coming up, no deadlines, no problems that need addressing. This was a break that I needed, but I still want to work towards a goal. I think the problem now might be that I have too many goals to work towards.

I gotta figure out what I want. Not just who I want to be, because there's too many answers to that question. I guess the real issue is more philosophical than that, It's a question of purpose. It's the everlasting question of happyiness and meaning. What is the path that will lead me to as many happy moments and as few unhappy moments as possible.

I can't continue to answer that right now, because I have no idea. Maybe the only correct option is to go upstairs and work out, shower, and practice melee until tonight. I don't want to see people or hang out with friends... maybe I have social anxiety. Honestly, that wouldn't surprise me too much.

Whenever I get into the mindset of productivity, hard work, training and frequent writing etc. I get annoyed at the prospect of seeing other people and having them take that efficiency away from me. Once I start socializing for a while, i lost my steam and start down the slow path of complacency, stagnation, and finally where I am now, which is confusing and arbitrary anxiety. Is that a good way to live, though? Are my constant efforts to become productive the things that actually make me anxiious? Would giving up on the prospect of success be the right move?

Right now, I don't think so. The most obvious solution might be the right one, which is to work harder, exercise more often and try my best to make it as a comedian/writer. To keep melee in my life for as long as possible.