Writing comedy is hard. I think everyone gets that. For a while, I figured that the hardest part of comedy writing was the writing part, ie. sitting down and doing the work. For the last couple of years now that's been my primary focus. Close to an obsession, really.
I think it's been going pretty well. I've developed a solid habit of writing, mostly on paper in my journal. That's not comedy! It's just feelings! Not the good type of feelings either, like poetry or something. Actually, I take that back. Poetry is definitely not the good type of feelings.
I haven't written a blog in a while, which is kind of on purpose. A lot of factors come into play as to why, but essentially things come up. Family is in town, some weeks I go into work early. Internally, though, I just haven't felt the need. Until now, I guess, I just didn't want to express myself to the world ("world" used loosely) since it changes what I say. But that's the whole point of comedy, man. I gotta get used to that.
It's really crazy to think of how different these are to my journal entries, and how similar they are. It's all because of the fundamental difference of people seeing it. I know from the start that these words can be read by somebody, so everything that comes after is a reflection of that. See, at this point I feel obligated to make a joke... the timing just feels right for it. In a journal, I don't give a shit. Who am I trying to impress? I'm not even gonna read it.
What I usually say in my private thoughts, though, is more uplifting than anything I've ever shared in public. That seems counterintuitive, right? I've never thought of that before, but that's exactly what happens. I encourage myself in my journals. I really try to take stock of the good things that are going on, as well as point out and forgive my shortcomings. It seems healthy, and honestly it's important. I try not to skip more than a weekend of writing, since it becomes so easy to absolutely fall apart and hard to get back on the horse. I call it "creative inertia." Most people call it "Anxiety."
So yea, writing is important. Why is it that writing these posts feels less important? Or, rather, that I tend to do it less often? These words are infinitely more valuable, no? At least in the common understanding of value, like monetizable value. Don't get me wrong, I'm a far ways from making a penny on this. If I hold the goal of having a creative job, though, is it not true that public work brings me closer to my goal? The only way it doesn't is if it's bad, but how can I tell if it's bad? There's no way besides my own taste, and my own taste says that it's good enough. I guess what I'm trying to say is that fear is stopping me. I shy away from the work because of fear. I fear editing my long awaited documentary, I fear the process of writing and recording sketches.
No, that's not entirely true. I have a hint of fear, no doubt, but they are not impeding my goals. Life is far more complicated than that. It would be a huge disservice if I let myself end a post with an impartial reflection. Fear does not control me. It's definitely there. A bigger part of this is my schedule, and it has been a focus of mine for a few weeks now.
This is going long, great. If you're bored than I don't really care. This is more for me at this point. If you're really still reading then I applaud you, mom and dad. It's only my parents reading passed this paragraph anyway. Everyone else, you can call it a day.
Schedule, right. I've realized that I am totally incapable of writing, editing, or generally working creatively after a certain point in the day. That point usually comes around 3pm or so. Yes, if I really need to I can chug a red bull and pull an all nighter, what else is college meant to teach me? Regardless of what's possible, I've began to understand when my best time is for creative work, and that's in the early morning. So, I've been working on waking up earlier and earlier so I have more time in the mornings to get stuff done. That's my only goal for the next few weeks.
Now I look back and realize that I didn't need to share any of that. Who cares. I'm not late to work this time and that's a cool thing.
Thank you for reading this far. It really means a lot.
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