Actually writing some shit

Alright, third day in a row. Instead of doing the usual nonsense meta-writing I always do on this blog, I'm gonna try to actually write some shit. Let's get it started

Yesterday I realized the first time I could ever use sign language without deaf people. I was in a dorm, right by the side entrance where there's a big glass wall with a big glass door. My buddy went outside to smoke a cigarette, but because of this bullshit May weather we're having it was too cold to go outside. There he was, only five feet away, but there was no way we could communicate. Unless we had sign language, of course. Then we could have been keeping the conversation going from two completely different auditory spaces. We would have been legends to anybody who passed, two mysterious young men who spent countless hours learning ASL just to talk while one was smoking a cigarette and the other was being a pussy.

Meme songs are one of my favorite things now. A meme song is a ridiculous, repetitive, annoying, or otherwise hilarious song that can be busted out in most situations for the sake of a joke. The first of these songs was "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men. This song is so timeless and transcendent and will always be a good option if you're trying to piss somebody off. I would recommend learning the words in order to add another layer of silliness to the mix. The lyrics might seem stupid as hell, but it really is brilliant insight into the undertones of patriarchal dominance in the music industry.

The next song I stumbled upon was actually recommended by my girlfriend, "I like to move it move it." I think she was trying to get me to leave her house. The Madagascar version is the one you want to shoot for here, but make sure it's not the Madagascar cover but the Madagascar version. It gets slightly ruined with a non-professional singer trying to move it move it. Play this one at your own risk, as it is about 6 minutes long and sounds like it's going to end about seven times.

Another song that is perfect for any occasion is "Cotton Eye Joe" for obvious reasons. There is nothing more powerful than hooking up your Samsung s6 to the party's speakers and blasting some 5th grade dance music. If there's a large enough gathering, sometimes you get to see every different reaction at the same time. Some "cooler" people might hold their ears and screech like banshees, protecting their ears from the only song that can possibly kill their vibe. Those more willing to try new things will attempt to recall the dance moves from when they were younger. These people will look up and to the right, as that part of the brain is where dance memories are held. Be careful, though, as if they look to the left they are trying to figure how to best murder the DJ with an ice pick. The brain works in mysterious ways, huh?

Right now there is one king of meme songs. I Got Bitches by A2M. I don't know anything about the artist other than he has created one of the best pieces of art ever conceived in this mortal realm. Once you listen to I Got Bitches, your heart craves for similar masterpieces by the same artists, but alas, there are none. Look up A2M on Spotify and you find one song. It seems as though this song is all our species deserves right now.

I could go at length about the mysteries of "I Got Bitches" but I think you should just listen to it yourself. It has the sustainability of Cotton Eye Joe, the catchiness of I Like to Move it Move it, and most importantly, the misogyny and objectification of women previously exclusive to "Who Let the Dogs out." This song is brilliant. Listen to that right now, damn you.