Updates and Naive Goals

I like the feeling of writing in this blog. I can't do it every morning, because I don't feel like it every morning. When there's an obligation to put myself out in front of everybody it makes me want to do nothing at all. When it's on my terms, it becomes a little exciting motivation to actually have grammar. Today I feel like checking in.

First, updates. New computer. New, expensive computer. Two monitors. Both of them curved. It's a cool set up, one that I will be sharing once the rest of my living space is set up.

Oh yea, I have a new living space too. Not exactly the talk of the town, but Its a big step for me and will most likely be my residence for the next two years. Full disclosure, I'm in my mom's basement. There's some inherent shame in that, sure, but I don't wanna spend the whole page writing about how I don't deserve anything. That was last week's thing.

My room is set up down here now, with my kickass computer and all, so its a matter of "what now?" Luckily, I have this weird thing where I can't sleep unless my next two months have some direction. It's good for keeping on track, I guess. It's bad for sleep, good for catching up with old friends when they ask what I'm up to. That's why I do it, baby. Loading up on conversation topics for that sweet five year high school reunion.

I've told enough people right now that I'm comfortable posting about it, but I'm starting a YouTube channel. And a twitch. I always, always try to refrain from sharing stuff like this, because I hear it all the time. Everybody who gets good at melee sends a tweet out or something talking about their big plans to start a channel and start putting out content, stay tuned! And then they don't. Or they make a video that gets 60 views and they give up. It's a saturated field with meager results for the first 8-20 months, little recognition outside of internet communities and a huge time sink if you're not familiar with editing software.

Lucky me, 8-20 months is just enough time for me to piss off my mom and get kicked out of the house. I'm slightly familiar with editing software, and all I crave is little recognition from online communities. It's a golden goose I was born to chase.

The other day I was catching up with a friend from highschool and he raised a very interesting point. People our age are pretty naive. Very naive, in fact. But that naivety is important. It's the reason we put time into projects, thinking they're going to take off. It's the reason we pursue these dreams and get some sort of satisfaction, and experience, from our efforts. It's the reason we don't vote, I guess. Whatever the reason for this naivety, I'm trying now to embrace it. I have zero way of knowing how this whole endeavor will go. If it will be any good, or if each video will take forever, or if I'll just start break down crying and sell my desk on LetGo.

All I know is what I want from this, and it's a life I've been chasing since I was nine years old. Making a job out of video games. Tell me that isn't worth striving for! That it's a bad use of my 5 hours every night after work. I think it's worth it. I think it's possible. But maybe I'm just a naive little 4th grader. Either way, I'm about to learn.