Twenty-Two, Privileged, and Anxious

Lot of anxiety going on as a 22 year old.

I think that's normal. My only points of reference are podcasts, which I listen to every day, featuring comedians complaining about their twenties. Well, not really complaining. I'm not sure what it is, but there's a combination of regret and blissful nostalgia that lives inside of nearly every comedian I've listened to. Many of my idols have anxiety, a higher percentage cite having the problem around my age. I hope it's normal. It probably is.

I thought that my anxiety was caused mostly by college's difficulty, the constant struggle to achieve mixed with an ever-changing daily routine. That never quite felt like the answer to me, college wasn't that hard (Comm major waddup) and the routine only got hard at the end of each semester. I didn't need a break either, weeks spent home from school were sometimes the toughest to manage. I couldn't pinpoint it, but when can you? That's the toughest part about anxiety, its intangible, relentless, and always floating 1.05x arms length away.

 Don't get me wrong, I've mostly kept busy and enjoyed myself up through this point, but anxiety comes through every so often and its a tough bug to get rid of. There are nearly thousands of solutions out there to the problem, too. Exercising more, healthier diet, more sleep, less masturbation, yoga, meditation, more masturbation. I've been really into one of these methods, but it's definitely more of a short-term solution.

But should there be a solution? Is there something to accomplish here? Is anxiety an ailment to cure? A puzzle to solve? The more I live within the constant ebb and flow of emotional security I tend to lean more towards a big fat 'no'. I think anxiety is here to stay, for everybody. It can be managed, of course, and some people have it way worse than others. But if you're constantly looking to eliminate all traces of anxiety, depression, sad feelings, an old addiction rearing it's seductive head, or any other demons with you right now, you're going to be constantly disappointed. And that's when anxiety really takes a hold.

So I'm just here trying to manage my anxiety. I took up a hobby a few years ago that challenged me, introduced me to friends, and allowed me to develop a skill I'm proud of. But now I'm getting anxious about placings and results. This is a new flavor of anxiety, a little less spicy but it sits in my gut for longer and tastes like black coffee.

These problems can't be solved. But they can be managed, perhaps even used. John Mulaney has a great attitude about anxiety, calling it 'free cocaine' that helps you get your work done. I tend to agree. I hope that we all can find a useful way for us to manage our own personal shitty-thought expansion pack, preinstalled in every brain.


To conclude, I need to say that I'm so, so lucky to have had a childhood that led me into such mild, even productive problems. Most people less fortunate than myself find their anxiety comes from much more pressing issues, whether it's financial or stemming from a shitty family life. That's a flavor I havn't tried, and I never want to, but I understand if my post doesn't resonate with you. If that's the case, I encourage you to write about your own issues. I would love to read about them. It would be infinitely more interesting than mine.

Thanks for reading.