Family

I had nothing too relevant that I wanted to write about, so I randomly generated a number 1-30, got the number 4, which is family. I guess its as good a time as ever.

*Disclaimer: If any of my family ever reads this, know that I love you dearly. Even if I make fun of you a lot. Still love you.*

I'll start with my parents, and the fact that they're divorced. They "officially" split up when I went to college, but my sisters and I knew they were going downhill for several years prior. It was cool of them to stick it out until I went away for school, but I could see that they were both miserable in that house. It was time for them to go their separate ways.

I always like to say that they were amazing parents, but terrible spouses. I hope I'm not being too brutal when I say they loved their kids way more than they loved each other. They were supportive of us, going to all of our sporting events or performances, even going as far as sitting with each other for the sake of their children. That was the biggest sacrifice they made for us, and I'm forever grateful.

When they split up was just about the time I started performing stand up comedy, so for about a year I would mention it about every time I got onstage. I think that I sort of ignored how much it impacted me for a good while, but whenever I performed those jokes it was still a cathartic experience. When I went home for the first time and realized how different life would be living with just one parent, it hurt a bit less because I've been putting it out there for so long. Now, three years later, it's just a fact of life and it's all gucci.

One big reason I think they split is because of political differences. Dad's a democrat, Mom is a republican. They both talked about it, and it lead to some pretty tense living at home. My advice to anyone getting married to someone on the other side of the political coin: Either don't get married OR never talk to each other. Also, never watch the news with each other, or any other type of controversial media. Don't share opinions, or even thoughts. Don't eat together. Sleep in separate beds. In separate houses. With different spouses. Just don't get married.

ANYWAY let's talk about my siblings. I have two sisters, no brothers. Having two older sisters as a boy is pretty interesting. I definitely fit the bill of annoying younger brother, but I think there's good reason why. I didn't talk a lot, and that's because they talked all the time. It was pretty hard to get attention, honestly. I slowly realized that if I wanted attention from my parents, aunts, uncles etc. that I would need to be a little bit annoying. I'm the youngest out of my cousins as well, so any efforts to be genuinely funny were seen as a desperate and annoying grab for attention. Probably because they were exactly that.

I had kind of a split personality because of that. I had a yearning inside of me to make everyone around me laugh. I loved the feeling of landing a joke, even from a young age. But I was younger than all my family, so I was usually shut down any time I tried. They were tough critics, and I eventually developed tough skin, but before that happened I struggled with self esteem. I flip flopped between happy, energetic class-clown-wanna-be to a reclusive video game playing outcast. Then I became close to my role model to this day, my cousin Craig.

I remember the day he was first nice to me. Having 6 years on me, and being an angry teenager when I was an annoying child who idolized him, it makes perfect sense that he constantly pushed me away from him. He's the closes male cousin to me in terms of age, so whenever there was a family gathering the adults would encourage, maybe even force, him to hang out with me. He wanted to hang out with the cousins closer in age to him, so of course he's gonna resent me a little bit.

This went on for a couple of years, until I decided that he just didn't like me and gave up. One night, around thanksgiving time, I was on my computer playing video games when Craig gets home after spending the night with the older crew. I was playing Warcraft 3, a game we both enjoyed, and he comes over to me to see how I'm progressing. I made a save file, named "bob is cool". I entirely expected him to call me stupid, or just scoff and walk away, but he just smiled and said "yes, he is". I still remember that about 14 years later. Me and Craig are still close, playing games with each other on occasion.

I could talk more about more cousins on my mother's side, my grandparents, the entirety of the Gardners, but I think I'm gonna stick with this long enough to get to that eventually. This was more of a therapeutic entry than a comedic one, but it got me writing all the same, so I'm happy with it. I got a tournament tonight, where I hope to get revenge on a particular Samus player...

See y'all tomorrow.



Words I learned to spell: separate (I'm an idiot), therapeutic
First try: genuinely