The League

*Written On Sunday, July 24th, 2016. Delayed posting due to lack of computer. Nobody cares*

After not seeing each other for half a year, the league has finally come together again, at 3/5ths power, to combine our brain power into one, then divide the power of one brain equally among the group. "Knowledge is power, but being a fucking moron is fun." - Confucius probably.

Our intelligence declines with each others company. Unless Zak is there. We all want to impress zak.

Let's take a step back. We all met around 11th grade. What's kept us together was probably the fact that we built a friendship on the foundation of sobriety. We were in high school, so getting fucked up was on most people's interests. But to have friends around to just hang out with, play pool or video games without needing beer, that's when real friendships are made.

So now, when we do get fucked up, it's that much more fun.

A bro is someone you'd meet at a bar. A friend is someone who would DD for you. A best friend is the dude daring you to ask for wet naps with the mozzarella sticks. There are no other friends like the league. We are bros, and friends, and best friends.

We're also fucking morons. Oh my god we are so stupid.

We have a governing system in place to make sure we are good friends to each other. If you do something shitty, like prioritize other friends too much or stay at home because ur not feeling it, then you will be put on probation. What a time that is, man. Probation is usually declared onto a league member by another member who feels wronged. In order to get off of probation, you must write an apology letter and have it be signed by one of the victims parents. It's always hilarious. It's definitely the stupidest thing we do, but we need to do it. There is no consequence for being on probation, hell, it even has a six month sentence. But it hurts all the same to be placed onto it. To be a league member on probation is to be a less-than. It's a matter of ego and self worth. Very important. But stupid.

We're not stupid enough to get in trouble, which is good. I should clarify, we are definitely stupid enough to get arrested, we just aren't proactive enough. We're pussies and we're proud.

The league is stupid because we listen to each other and then contribute more to whatever were talking about. That's usually followed by a noise or deteriorating into piss poor Brooklyn accents and saying more stupid shit. We'll talk about stealing a stop sign and sliding down the street, but we'd never do it. We are gentlemen... but we're also immature. We're boys. Gentleboys. Dumbass Gentleboys. I kinda like that.

I'll go into each member specifically another time. There's plenty more to write about regarding the league, how stupid we all are as individuals, but I'll save that for another time. Maybe next time we all assemble I'll take notes. Or maybe I'll track down Joe's apology letter to Georges mom...

Words I learned to spell: Confucius, mozzarella, pussies
First try: deteriorating