I'm facing a little bit of a problem... It's an internal one, a problem that most artists (or as we call them today, content creators) face I'd assume. What's going through my mind is a dilemma of wanting people to read what I'm writing (consume my content) while still remaining true to myself in all the work that I do.
These thought loops always get to me. Right now, at 6:40AM on the fourth rainy day in a row, this is when I need to bring forth my own optimism. Something to counteract the barrage of doubt coming from one side of my brain to attack the other. The easier part now, as opposed to when I was 19, is that I know how universal these doubts are. The thoughts of not being good enough, or not understanding the industry, or coming to terms with advertising oneself as a commodity rather than a fully fledged human. These are modern problems in the platform of blogging or *sigh* content, but this has been the artists' struggle since as long as there's been artists. And there's been art since as far back as the 1960's, from what I've heard.
(I only consider people who do LSD to be artists. Sorry Beethoven)
So what? Like, really, what am I getting up in arms about? There are easy ways to push this forward and become more legitimate. There's still value in writing things that people don't read, as long as I come to terms that they might read it one day. But writing just for myself is.. it's just not the point. I like being heard. I used to be ashamed of that, thinking that true art is to be crafted from the tortured solitude of a misanthropic genius, that anybody outside of that mold would be settling for less and creating incorrectly. That the appeal to the "masses" is inherently wrong, and any attempt to justify the desire for our art to be seen is to turn a blind eye to the evils of capitalism destroying any sort of true creativity.
And look, I'm not here to talk about capitalism. Well, I don't know, maybe I am. Maybe every artist has to really understand it, come to terms with it, possibly even learn to love it.
Is the free market anti art? It doesn't hate creativity, that's for sure. Right now there's a huge push for authenticity, something novel in our culture and undoubtedly in parallel with the value of artists. So now, in 2019, what is there to dislike about capitalism? What is actually wrong with a system designed the way it is now, with 10 platforms to distribute our art for free, for billions of people to potentially see us, for a living to be made from the comfort of our own swivel chair?
What's wrong is what has always been wrong, except it's easier. It's not free, it's not easy, but it's much easier compared to when art began in the 60's. I think what's scary for me is the idea of failure within this system is that much more embarrassing. Not because my friends or family will see me fail, but in my own head if I can't make this work then maybe I'm just not cut out for it. If I can't make my writing become something valuable in this context then perhaps it is just valueless.
It's a weak mindset. As pumped up and excited I was last week, this week is certainly a valley. I need to stay patient, work hard in my day job and side gigs, and do what I love. Sometimes I just need to remind myself.
It's hard though, man. Sometimes it just gets hard.
P.S
I got some good feedback on my post yesterday. I'm gonna sit on it for a little bit before hitting on the topic of Melee finances again.
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