I need to prove myself

I've become addicted to video games. I seriously need to chill.

With the pressures of Finals Week (Yes I capitalized it, it deserves the respect) I have taken to web/phone games to ease my tension. I have't the need to study, I already have two A's, one more probably to come, and two grades I doubt will be below a B-. Academically, I did my job.

I still feel unaccomplished as of late, and I'm fully aware that It's been because of the lack of writing. I really haven't created anything worth mentioning in the last couple of weeks. I don't know why.

I get like this all the time, and it's become the main topic of what I write about, when I finally do get around to writing. There's a resistance, and it fucking sucks. It's slow and depressing and I feel the need to shake it but can't pinpoint exactly why I feel the way I do. Videogames fill the void oh so fleetingly.

Melee hasn't even been the go-to, either. Maybe because I've been working a lot that I just dick around and play games. Maybe Melee is too much stress and responsibility. Maybe I don't have long-term goals to stick to. Or maybe I'm doomed to be an ups and down sort of guy.

Maybe It's because next semester I have stuff lined up that I'm excited for. Maybe that's my problem, always thinking the future will be brighter then failing to meet the expectations I set for myself, because the future, again, is where my focus lies. For some reason my motivation has been waning, and I don't recognize the symptoms until I'm already there. I haven't been on top of things. I've been slipping.

But maybe I'm being too hard on myself. The whole shame cycle thing is getting old, no? Just fucking live and do what I've been doing, right? The plan sounds terrible. I can't even lay it out in a positive light. I need to accomplish.

Maybe this is a natural time to feel lost. Maybe I can't blame myself for refusing to choose a direction and stick to it. Maybe it's time to buckle down and really commit to one approach for a future. Put my money where my mouth is. Figure out a plan.

What could the plan be? Right now it's just to do melee and comedy as hard as I can. That's not a good plan. Those are just hobbies. I've laid out things I like to do, great for me. I'm wayyyy ahead of the curve, now!

Practice melee every day. That's just a hopeful habit. That means nothing until it's accomplished. But it's a good priority for myself.

Start working out. That's also a habit I want for myself. No replacement for initiative and hard work here, but this might be what kick starts everything else. It's like an investment in energy, confidence, and strength. I can find time.

Comedy writing is important too. I have the goal of 20 blog posts by the end of the year. That isn't a bad start. I have fewer classes next semester so this might just come easy. If I can come up with 5 really good articles, polished, confirmed to be funny, etc. Then I have the beginning of a portfolio.

Opening up the can of worms for comedy writing is the scary part. For example, I have 25 minutes until the end of this shift, but I'm still institutionally looking to play a game after I finish this article. Can I forgive myself for that? Is this good enough for the day? Will I be proud of myself tomorrow? I have no idea, and maybe I just lack the willpower to make a good decision right now.

I also need to start eating better, because I do not feel good right now. Coffee and fast food do not a healthy person make. My shitty habits are catching up to me, but there's no short term solution. Melee tonight is sure to lift my spirits, but If I do badly I have to face my ego.

I feel like I'm desperately grasping for some sort of success, some sort of achievement. Something to hold value, something to pick myself up. I feel the need to prove myself. I will prove myself.

Tomorrow.

Almost a full week...

Huh, it's been about a week. At least I caught myself.

I've been really playing a lot of games lately as a way of destressing, and I'm actually extremely willing of defending that. It helps me get my shit together, and it's good that I'm pulling together to at least get this done.

I really don't have much to do tonight, though. I definitely need to get started a little bit but I can just get a gauge of what's going on then have a good day tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a stressful day for sure, but I'm ready to have one of those. I'm not afraid of a stressful day.

I am a little concerned that I will be taking too long with the saac event, though. I want to go, I think it will be fun and a good way to stay connected, but I'm gonna be antsy about my work. It's an obligation for sure, but I also will have fun there. I think it is definitely worth my time to be there.

I should write a little bit of my screenplay, too. That's not a big deal at all, I kinda want to. That's really what I should do tonight, if I'm being honest. I could definitely get away with not doing it but I might as well end on a good note and really commit myself to finishing this project. It is a really good thing to have finished a screenplay. It will mean a lot to my resume as well as my self esteem. Plus, it would be a really fun project even if i split it into something more manageable. A story is a story is a story.

The drumming thing next semester would be really fun too.I shouldn't say would, It's will. I am signed up to do fucking drum lessons, how crazy awesome is that. I've always wanted to play the drums and having access to the practice rooms will help me destress a lot. I love learning new skills, yo. Plus, when I go home I can fucking play the DRUMS ahhh

Ok I gotta do some writing. Be right back

A better weekend than I'm allowing it to be.

Wow, what a weekend. I feel like I haven't properly celebrated yet, even though it was a fantastic weekend and a fairly successful Monday night open mic. I have a lot to be proud of.

Right now I have more to look forward to, though, and more to do. I have to start on my trivia, which isn't a huge deal but is definitely something I need to put effort towards. It should be fun, I'm gonna use Greek Mythology as one of the topics.

I feel better about my argumentation assignment after talking to Leo, even though I haven't done anything for that yet either. It's a big grade, but I'm confident that we can learn from the people who went today and come up with a good project, make a good presentation, and hand in a good paper. I'm also confident that I will study for my final in a way that has me get an A in the class. An A is totally possible with how I did on the midterm.

Org comm is even more relaxing. It's a day later, not at 8:30 in the morning, and my group is the most cohesive group I've ever worked with. It will be funny and well presented I think. Also, I should be fine for that final as well.

My obligations are starting to close out, and if I have a good day today with everything then I can close out the day with going to my buddy's show at night and properly celebrate.

Also, I forgot to mention, I won a tournament on Sunday. Over a longtime rival and the person trying to usurp me as 3rd in CNY. I held my ground and it felt good.

I have a long list to take care of and I'm itching to get to it. The more I accomplish today the easier the rest of my semester becomes. I can put some effort into a stand up set on the 8th, for example. I got another taste of stand up last night and I'm honestly dying to get back on stage.

For a while now I've been saying that stand up has been frustrating because I don't have a lot of opportunities to perform. Open mics weekly should definitely happen. If they don't happen then it's not the biggest deal, but just having them will be a great way to slowly get back into doing stand up.

After an incredibly stressful 9 days, I sit here at my desk with another seemingly difficult day ahead of me, but something is different. I'm ready to take it on. It's like I finally got my footing and I can prioritize everything and finish it out. This is the last Trivia of the semester, I want to make it a good one. I will give a short speech to be read, maybe.

Let's get this rolling, shall we?

Shorty mcshort

I look much better without a shitty beard. No Shave November is a great holiday to raise awareness about the importance of shaving. It's the easiest way to raise awareness, too. All it is is not shaving. That's it. That's actually negative effort.

Picking your nose and eating boogers is a bad habit. Not because it's gross, but because it leads to other bad habits, like cracking your neck and biting your nails. You crack your neck to hide the pick, and bite your nails to hide the eat.

I'm gonna try those jokes at the Open Mic, I guess. I'm not too prepared for it but I guess I have Sunday and Monday to figure it out. Right now I just want this semester to be over with, to be honest. I'm tired, I'm hungry. It's probably just how I feel right now, but I wanna just go home and sleep for a long time.

Terps is tonight, and I'm at this weird spot where I'm kinda looking forward to it but not really. Honestly, I just want to perform my rap and that's it. The rest of the skits aren't too fantastic, but they'll get the job done. Also, we might end up making some money.

This small writing helped me get going on my small list of obligations, so that was good. I'm running out of unique things to say in this thing, but whatever. Gotta keep up the grind. Lately it's really felt like a grind.

Gonna keep this short because apathy. Till next time.

Unfocused? Time to Focus.

I feel awake, but unfocused. Active but unaware. What the hell should I do?

I have projects to work on, so that's the first move. Get a few pages done so I feel less stressed about it later. It's weird how much we do to avoid feeling like shit, and how much better it would be if it were just more rewarding. 

I think with art it's scary to try because there's no way of knowing if we're really good until we're exposed to the world. For something like comedy the only way to be successful is to have other people like your work. There is no success in this field without the opinions of many people put into a room. It's a populist art form at its core.

There's objectivity to it, though. You can dissect a joke into the performance and the writing. Dissect the performance into acting and pacing, then further into the very essence of communication and sound. Look closer at writing and you see if it's quality or not. You can get away with performing shitty material if the actor is capable enough, but it's hard to get away with good material if the acting sucks. 

I think I have more respect for my writing, strangely enough. Maybe it's just what I want to do. Next semester I'll be improving as a comedian from both sides of the coin, writing comedy and acting in a serious role. It's like the two sides of stand-up without doing stand up.

Also, on Monday, I need to perform Stand up. Geesh.

I think that should be first on my agenda, filling up slots for the Monday Open Mic. I'm not gonna lie to myself and say that it'll be a great event, but it should definitely be fun and cool to see Mark again. I also need to make sure I get the contract figured out. Once that's taken care of there will be less stress on my plate.

But what else do I need to do? This seems like the best time to figure that out. I rehearsed my rap, so that's coming along good. The movie has so much to work on so as soon as I start on that my time is taken up. I can work on Rick and Morty, if I wanted. I could do some research on my two group projects also. Honestly... That's about it. During class today I need to make sure I'm taking good notes so I get a good grade on my last test. When I say good grade, I really mean an AMAZING grade. I don't wanna fail a class, even though it won't even be a big deal! Not gonna happen. Not in my college career.

I could also write another entry in the other blog, but I'll save that for another day.  I want to have 5 by the end of this semester, 8 before I come back to school next semester. Originally I wanted 20 by the end of the year, but I should aim higher and say 30. 30 blog posts coming out of college, hopefully all of them leading to improvement and at least half of them worthy of sharing.

I have no idea how to get paid to do this comedy thing, but I want to give it a good shot. I'm prepared to get a real job for a little bit after college, but I know that I have the tools to build my life however I want to. I am better than a lot of the garbage that's being put out there right now. I just gotta make sure to write and write and write

And write.

The desire to procrastinate is unreal.

Unreal! So much of my effort is going towards not opening up another tab and dicking around for 30 minutes. Oh bother.

Work ethic is important, obviously. That's pretty much all I think about now, how do I work better. What do I need to do to be the best at what I'm doing. How do I get my shit together. What do I focus on, how do I spent my time effectively. I'm running out of time, but I'm not, but I am. It's crazy. Shit is crazy.

I am doing better than I thought, and this week is less crazy than I think it is. I don't have problems with money, but I kinda do. I don't have too much to write, but I have a million projects I want to get started on. I'm paid on dues, so that's a start. I don't really have my life organized, but I did spend a bunch of time cleaning and doing laundry yesterday so It wasn't a waste. I also got back on that melee grind, which continues today. I wrote my portion of today's work for Terps. I need to check on what I need for tomorrows argumentation class as well. I'm doing okay. I still failed a test before break, and I'm waiting to see just how bad it was. It's going to be pretty bad, that's for sure.

But in the grand scheme of things I can't be too upset. I have a good grasp on what my life might look like after college. I know what I want to spend my time doing. I have hobbies that are fulfilling. I have objects I can save money towards buying. I have an amazing girlfriend. I have a ton of connections and friends. I'm starting to regain some confidence.

And now I have to finish this post, and I forced myself to start it. For whatever reason, I hate writing. I don't want to start writing. I want to do literally anything else before sitting down and starting this blog. At the same time, I know how important it is. Freewriting is everything. Freewriting will open me up for good.

I have my other blog, too, that I havn't wrote in in a long time. What is the next Idea that I have? Maybe I can start writing about that Tacos thing. That would actually be pretty fun.

See you on the other side!

I really gotta write!

I have things that are due soon! I need to write!

This is going to be a crazy week, I know it already. I really have to come through and get everything done or else iI'm gonna be feeling the ramifications for the rest of the year, at least mentally. I could possibly ruin some grades too if I really blow it, so It's time to buckle down and really get some shit done.

Thanksgiving break was a huge deal, something I needed to get done a long time ago. It was a lot of fun, I spent nearly the entire time with Ashley, and as soon as I got back I ended up going food shopping and getting some cleaning done. Not a bad start.

The last couple of days before the break were not productive for me at all. I was still a little upset about fraternity stuff, which had some part to do with it. Honestly, I'm still thinking about all that shit, but it should get better soon. Spring is always a better time than the fall, so I bet I will be back to enjoying everything in no time.

Also, the show next semester should really be a game changer. That's gonna be another chapter, and it's cool that my last show in college will be as the lead. Maybe it will get my confidence up a little bit.

Speaking of bit, I need to make sure I write for my STAND UP on Monday! It's an open mic, I have no excuses at all! I hope we put on a good show, but I need to make sure I share it with a bunch of people and get as many people to sign up as possible. Laugh club can only take care of so many.


I got on a bit of a roll there with writing, I got in the zone a little bit. I think the next thing for me to focus on is going to be getting ready for work (lol) and writing a few skits for the show. I can trust my other cohosts to write as well, but I need to make sure they listen to my opinions when I feel strongly about it. I hope their jokes land.

Time to goooooooooooooOo0o0o0oO0o0Oo0Oo0Oo()

Free write before big boy work

I feel ready to take on this day.

For the first time in what seems like forever I'm sitting down with a to - do list and determination. I've been putting things off, and now it's time to make it work or break under the pressure. I've broke under the pressure before, and it freakin hurts. I've also reached peaks (relative peaks I should say) and felt that accomplishement before, and that is a great feeling. It also turns into momentum that makes the next week or two that much more rewarding. I say this all the time, momentum is everything.

I'm imagining a roller coaster. In order for the car to make the next peak, it needs to have time to fall down. That steep fall is what propels you into the next rising section. I feel that way with how I act, how I keep productive, how I keep momentum. Nothing kicks your ass better than falling way down. Bombing onstage inspires weeks of work, I only clean your car when it's dirtiest.

Maybe theirs another way besides "It's always darkest before the dawn." A way to keep the inclines and declines more moderate. Extremes are almost never a good thing, so why try to live within two extremes? That's a tough way to live.

Also, if you have a shit load of momentum, it almost has to lead to a crash. I imagine a drug addiction to be more of a fun roller coaster to ride, if these metaphorical roller coasters were options at a real theme park. It is definitely the one that makes the news for killing too many people, though.

Coffee is the successful, critically acclaimed roller coaster. The ones that aren't too edgy but are definitely sticking around for a while. Some people go on every single day.

Alcohol is definitely the spinning shit. My version was the gravitron, it spun you in circles until you could feasibly stand horizontal on the walls. Alcohol is wild.

I don'e care to finish this structured comedic post right now. I just need to keep writing. Sometimes this just turns into a freewrite, and honestly that happens most of the time.

I'm running low on the page, and I need to get started on my work right away. Right now it's just a race to get as much material on the page as possible so I can get started on my first responsibility, which is honestly the movie, so I don't know why I'm so hesitant to do it. Writing is really fucking hard, and Mark Cohen keeps reminding us of that fact. FUCKKKKK

Okay that worked somewhat. Freewriting is really important, so I gotta somehow bring it back to my script. Maybe I should look at my journal that I had. Okay, wait, I can just write about it on thiis post. I need to remember that this isn't meant to be read anytime soon and that it has a purpose other than brand building or publicity. Damn, okay, into it now.



Words I learned are two words: Roller coaster.

Cute Motivation

I'm hungry and tired and apathetic. I'm surprised I'm doing this right now.

Yesterday at 3am Donald Trump was announced to have won the presidential election. Obviously, that's insane and groundbreaking shit. I have no idea how to react, how to feel, what to do. There was a lot of fearful and unsure people walking around campus yesterday and I was one of them. I just have no idea what's about to happen.

From what I've been reading, Trump is going to do a lot of stuff that goes against the "liberal agenda". If I'm being honest with myself, I kinda like the liberal agenda. I like that cheaper education was a popular ideal. I was a fan of all the social progress we were making. It's frustrating, now, that a total homophobic, anti abortion evangelist is one heart attack away from the white house. This is a very scary time.

I have a positive outlook on it for the most part. For one, this is a great time to be a comedian. We haven't had this much ammo to work with since George Bush. The Onion has been doing a great job producing content, I think I saw them release about 9 articles since the election closed.

I just got distracted, I should have eaten breakfast. I blame my housemate for drinking all my milk and preventing me from having a banana shake. It would have been amazing.

I think I'm ready for post college life of writing comedy, practicing smash, and working whatever job I need to. If I need to work 40 hours a week and practice everything else on the side, that's fine. I want to build up a portfolio of comedy in college so I might be able to get a writing job right away. That's the dream, man. That's the dream right there.

I might be close to a completed movie script by the end of the year, so that's really exciting too. With all of these examples of writing, as well as Terps pushing me at least one more time (Terps is literally like a writing/performing/collaborating bootcamp) I am in a good place to refine my comedy skills before I graduate. I can be a writer. I will be a writer.

Wow, look at how motivated I got how cute.

This Weekend and How Much I Love Smash

I would expect the most fun party of my life to be with my fraternity. Loud music, plenty of alcohol, all my brothers in one place, what could be more fun? I've been partying with these guys for three years now, and there have been plenty of fun parties, but nothing will come close to this weekend.

Saturday was a tournament day. It was the "Big one," Cusetown Beatdown, and I was preparing for it for the whole semester. The tournament itself was a ton of fun. I didn't do as well as I wanted (I got 9th out of 80, which is just outside of the money) but I didn't fail by any means. The tournament as a whole was super wonky, upsets and last stock situations all over the place. The after tournament party is where the real fun started, however.

It was a party full of smashers! It was amazing! I distinctly remember one moment where I was chilling with 4 other smashers, listening to my lousy ass song and laughing our asses off. At one point I sit up and just go "We all love smash bros so much. This is so fuckin cool." And it was fucking cool. I can't wait until the next smash party.

There's something about the friends I make through smash that sticks with me. We have a distinct community that other people just don't understand. Very often we're questioned about our obsession with this 15 year old game and it's hard to give an explanation. Even now, with the freedom to think about my words and come up with a response, it's hard to justify our behavior with this game. It even got in the way of my relationship last night, as I got home and immediately started watching Summit 3 instead of talk to my girlfriend. It's that important to me.

It's honestly such a trip to surround myself with so many other inspiring smash celebrities. The fame, recognition, and (soon) money that comes with being a top player is incredibly desirable, and everyone that plays the game chases that same dream. To have another player beat you is a big deal... every match is talked about for months after and good wins are celebrated. Shit talk is everywhere online, and some people base all of their self confidence from their smash play. Others don't have many friends outside of the smash community. It really is a bizarre world that I belong to.

But I have that individual characteristic also of being involved outside of smash as well. This is a good and bad thing, but something I wouldn't change. It's good in that I have things for my family to be proud of me about. It's good in that I don't get too upset after losses or bad tournaments. The only bad thing is that I need to find time to practice the game. I need to squeeze in hours in between everything else I have going on and that can be very frustrating.

It's in this blog that I can take a moment of reflection and reaffirm what I want to do. I want to continue improving at this game and see how good I can get. With everything in the community, the 50,000 people watching smash summit 3 and hundreds of people who belong to each region, looking for recognition can be an appealing priority. It is for me too, but I need to be careful with how I approach each tournament match. The only thing I can do is try my best as often as possible, and hopefully that attitude spills into everything else in my life. The pressing issue right now is my comedy performance tonight. I gotta practice if I want to put on a good show, even if stand up is a frustrating thing to rehearse. I think I will practice, just set aside an hour at first and organize my set then start saying it to a mirror. If it goes badly, then I just have another learning experience. If it goes well, then the desire for recognition comes creeping up again. All I can do is try, right?

Words I learned to spell: Explanation

First public blog post!!

Now begins an interesting experiment. How will I follow through with a public blog?

I know that this place needs to remain a public journal. There's no shame in people finding this, but there's also no pressure. This is the safe space.

The other blog will be the "good stuff." I will try and expose those pieces to as many people as possible and show off my writing. I will put myself out there and hope it catches on.

This is a cool first step, I think. Keeping this separate blog as a place to free write is really important, I think. I would get anxiety about writing if I planned on released the blog shortly. I would try too hard to write good stuff if I thought people would be reading it. This is better. I don't give a fuck.

Having a different public blog is important too. I have people that want to read everything I put out (Family members, close friends) and exposing them to a daily blog with wacky thoughts and bad grammar isn't fair to them. Writing a post two or three times a week is not only more manageable, it's more marketable. Close friends and supporters are the only people I should be showing my work to until I get the hang of it, I think. A public entry with backlash might be important... later. Now, I just need to keep pushing and start producing. That's the path towards success and improvement.

So this blog is a long term project. It's warming up, its content for my fans down the line. It's nothing good, nothing valuable, and nothing that will ever make me money. But it's honest. It's a place where I can be honest with myself through writing.

It's also habit forming. The only way to fail at writing this blog is to... not write in it. Everything else in my life has potential for failure, but this is the only place where it's safe. Even this paragraph has failure in it where I begin by talking about habit forming. I didn't talk about habits right now, which is a mistake. But I can leave that there, because nothing matters in this space.

The question now is what to work on next. Another Jesse Has Ideas blogpost? I have an idea to write about, so might as well challenge myself to two days in a row. I can release it on Saturday, even.

And then maybe I can write an Idea about the Saturday event and blog about that. As long as I have an Idea I can share it, and I plan on sharing a lot more.

Marketing is important, too. I have been thinking about how important it is to put my name out there and place myself in different peoples minds.

Anyway, I'm bored. Gonna surf the internet for a while then get started on an idea. After all, I have 5 hours.

^^^^ That's a terrible mindset....


Learned to spell: Separate,

It's been a few days, but I'm doing hella good

It's been a while since I sat down and wrote!

I think lately I've been caught up in thinking about how this blog was going to be posted to the public. I need to chill with that and just keep doing what I'm doing. The point of this blog was to practice productive creativity, not to become famous.

This morning was very productive. I surprised myself with how quickly I dove into my work and finished stuff that was coming up. I'm on top of my work, at least when it comes to school, and that's a very good feeling. I don't have class tomorrow, I have LAUGH club tonight, and everything seems to be going fine. There are things coming up that need preparation, though.

First and foremost is this hosting gig I have this weekend. It all came together this week after being contacted more than a month ago, and it seems that it should go of without a hitch. I'm really excited to represent my club to a large crowd and start getting out name out more. Also, I get some easy community service hours.

The next day I have Cusetown Beatdown, my biggest tournament since Super Smash Con. With a good placing here I can cement myself as a threat upstate, so there's the possibility of a lot of pressure being placed on me. All I can do is play my best, and I intend to do so. I need to practice today for sure.

Sunday is a rest day. There's a tournament that day too that I'll probably do poorly at, depending on how hung over I am.

Monday is another big day, I'm performing 5 minutes of stand up for the first time since summer. I have all new material that I want to debut, but I want to spend time on it to make sure It's given a fair chance. Stand up might not be my number one goal, but it's really important that I keep performing as a way to practice my craft. Doing well is possible, I have a lot of the material written, so now it's just a matter of preparation. I plan on doing that right after this blog post.

Then there's more days of school, more homeworks being assigned and projects to work on. Still haven't finished my Rick and Morty spec, still have a ton of changes to give to my screenplay. I need to send a final contract to a comedian for the comedy show as well as start taking sign ups for the open mic. I need to do laundry.

I'm not sure what triggered my productivity this morning, but about one hour of work took a huge amount of stress off of ya boy. There won't be any nights where I stay up trying to finish a project, at least for the next couple of weeks. This semester might have been crazy, but I think I'm doing a damn good job.

Tug of War

I had one shift of goofing off, but now it's back to business.

Being busy is like a friendly game of tug of war. It's challenging, a constant pull to keep yourself in the game and hope that you come out on top. Let the rope go for too long and you'll inevitably lose. It's also fun, though, if you look at it as a way to keep yourself sharp. Pull too hard and you get tired, losing energy and growing fatigued. Try too hard and it's no longer a game, it's a fight for your life. There's a way to win, and afterwards you never have to be busy again.

I guess the key is to find out how hard to pull. I have work to do, and by virtue of my positions on campus I could never run out of work. Every idea that hits my brain is a possibility, and I've proven to myself time after time that I can accomplish whatever I put my mind to. Sometimes, though, I just run out of steam. I let go of the rope, and my team gets dragged passed the line.

Let's keep with this analogy because I like it.

It's also important to keep sight on why I keep pulling. Do I wan't to see my club, fraternity, or SAAC flourish? Do I want to be able to pat myself on the back and know that I did the best I could? Or do I just want to take home the MVP award. (If we're keeping with the analogy, it would actually be very difficult to judge who is the most valuable player on a tug of war team, but I digress)

Keeping focused, keeping busy. Putting down a game plan for success really is as simple as that. I see results in my writing, my smash playing, my command as a leader, the fun I have in the club. I have noticed growth in myself and it's hella exciting. I see my peers growing as well, Jared with his comedy, Matthew with his writing, my brothers with their attitude. It's a beautiful thing to see somebody grow into a better version of themselves.

Keep focused. Keep busy. I'm lucky that everything I need to try at is enjoyable for me. I like my major, I like my club, and I like my fraternity. SAAC literally is a counsel of people planning activities. If I'm focused and don't let things creep up on me, I'll be fine. If I keep up with practicing what I like to practice, I'll be fine.

If I ever need to unwind, I can play Smash, and even that's productive. What a life I live.

Why I hate waking up.

Oh the difference coffee makes. I wish that there was a sign above my head every morning that just said "Coffee will make this better" and I would believe it.

I hate getting up in the morning. I think everybody does, obviously, but I just needed to get that out there. The weird thing is, I like the mornings (Peep one of my first posts about it). Even though I feel as if the mornings are my most productive time, I still hate getting up. This rant is going nowhere, so I guess I'll talk about something else.

I can't understand how swimmers do it. Waking up at FOUR AM every day takes an incredible amount of willpower. I guess once they get into the pool and begin their workout everything changes. I wonder how long it took for them to become accustomed to their hell-like schedule. I doubt they chose that life for themselves, so at what point did they sell their soul and give up 3 hours of sleep every morning?

I remember in 5th grade I signed up to take music classes every Monday morning. It started at 6am and went until the normal day started. I chose the drum lessons for no particular reason, and the first day of lessons we were given a shitty little pad to beat up on. Fuck that, I wanted a drum!

So I went a week without practicing because I practically slept through the entire lesson, so when the next lesson came up I still had 0 training in the instrument. Luckily, it's very easy to bullshit your way through a group lesson after 1 week. I was still a bitch ass little kid with no intention of getting up at 5:30, so I kept on not paying attention for the second lesson. Another week goes by, and the third lesson starts. I walk in with my little pad, but everyone else has a drum. A huge drum. Well, it was a normal drum, but we were like 4 feet tall at that point, so it was half our size.  I have no idea how everyone else got a drum, but it probably had to do with that sheet sent out at the first lesson. Whoops.

Everyone was tinkering around with their new toy and I felt betrayed. Here I was with my 2 inch pad that made no sound compared to military grade technology. It was like going to fencing practice with a pool noodle. It's like being in a frat and wearing cargo shorts. I was humiliated.

To make it worse, the instructor was pretty obvious in his disdain for my handicap. He asked us to play a section, then would ask me to play it again because he didn't hear me the first time. I'm like yo, obviously. What the hell do you expect, they have fucking drums, they barely have to hit them to blow your ears off. I would try to compensate by hitting it super hard, but then he would tell me to relax. I think I cried after that, I was a sensitive kid.

That was my last drum lesson. I tried to get out of it by begging my parents, but they weren't convinced. So, I started sleeping in class and missing homework to show that waking up early once a week ruined me as a student. It was a bold move, but it paid off big time and I got out of everything. I'm happy I had that extra time to sleep instead of developing both musical knowledge and discipline that would have helped me succeed in high school and beyond, but honestly, I'm happy that I go to a state school like Oneonta. Quitting got me this far, and sleeping keeps me going.

Why is Trying Lame 2/2

So last time I gave myself this prompt. I haven't thought about it since, but I guess I can give it a go.

"Accidental Nihilist" refers to how teenagers, at least in my generation, give up on ambition and their futures, at least until they realize they have things put in perspective. We have all different values instilled into us from birth about how we should work hard, get good grades, plan for the future and other shit. Simultaneously and conversly, we're told to be individuals and listen to ourselves. We're told not to do what we're told, but are also given some good advice. In the end, we just give the hell up.

The establishment wants us to work towards success, but kids want the establishment to go fuck themselves and misinterpret the good advice. "School is bullshit, tests are bullshit, I don't want to do well because you told me, and I hate effort in general" is a phrase uttered commonly in our school districts. Effort is associated with the bullshit notions of the government, or something, and suddenly trying is uncool.

 Music is also big factor in our anti-establishment ways. For a while now there have been genres gaining popularity among youth due to their rebellious ways.  Generations passed had Rock and Roll. Now we have Hip Hop. We rally around the ideas and values said in that music, namely partying and drug use. Not only do they go against the ideas of trying our best, but they also are fun things to do when we arn't trying our best. It also goes along with the narrative of Government = bad.

The Drug war, I feel, is a huge reason why theres a rift among older and younger generations. Research is being released every day about the positive affectrs of marijuana, LSD, and MDMA, but they are seriously downplayed. The easy answer, and probably obvious answer at this point, is that big pharma is totally fucking us over. Drugs are stigmatized and people who take them are villified. They're kinda like, super fun though... or at least I've been told. In any event, milennials are being educated about drugs more effectively than previous generations and they arn't buying into the DARE program. Weed isn't as dangerous as Herioin and damn near everybody knows it.

So where does that bring us? Kids feel like they're being lied to and as a result don't give a fuck about anything. The advice older people tell us about trying hard and being successful are nearly counterproductive for a 15 year old once they start being skeptics. The path of least resistance is to just stop caring about everything, and so people who do care are labeled as outliers. Makes sense to me, right? I hope that whole thing didn't come out as negative.

Anyway, I think I'm going to stay away from this style of writing for now. It's cool to be more focused, but I can start another "Blog" or "Topic" or whatever it is if I wanted to write shit people will read. This was always a warm up, and I think I like it that way.

On another note, this post will make October my most productive month yet in terms of blog posts, bouncing it up to 11! I want at least 13, but 15 is totally possible.

Bout to go work on something else. Check in next time!



Words I learned to spell: Simultaneously

Why is Trying Lame? Part 1/2

Most people have terrible memories of their teenage years. The insecurity, bullying, and raging hormones ruled our lives for 3-5 years, and those insecurities are still present in college students and beyond. The culture of popularity and coolness that dominated the halls of middle to high school shaped us into what we are now. Thankfully, college breaks down all those barriers and lets people thrive the way they want to. There is one little thing that still lurks around among my friends, and it's shown even in post grad adults, and that's the stigma given to effort.

I'm guilty of buying into this behavior too. Whenever I see somebody sharing their event or advertising their show on Facebook I start thinking about their motives or how good it's going to be. This is much more innocent than typical 13 year old behavior, of course, as I didn't throw stink bombs at them or call them gay, but that stuff goes away with maturity. The general attitude is still inside me somewhere, and even though this is hard to admit, I kinda want them to fail. 

It's terribly shitty of me, I know. There's no part of me that defends this kind of thinking, but I need to acknowledge it. People want other people to fail. Trying to do something is just a little bit annoying. I can only blame my teenage self for these behaviors. It is not human nature to hate effort.

This attitude isn't in children, I don't think. Little kids don't give a fuck. Give them an activity and they go all in. The worse thing you can do in the eyes of a child is to not try at all. At some point in our development everything changed. We started to take a step back and insult anybody who gave a shit. Not caring was cool. Apathy is almost the defining trait of adolescence. 

It doesn't seem like human nature to not try as a teen, though. From an evolutionary standpoint, there is no way that humans who lounged around and rolled their eyes at everything from the years of 12-16 were the most successful tribe with the most successful genes. I doubt that caveman teenagers returning to camp with a bunch of food were called "tryhards" and kicked in the balls. 

So why is the attitude seemingly everywhere? I have a couple of theories. 

My first idea I like to call the "Cringe-Fail theory." Dumb name, I know, but hear me out. The basic idea is that we hate watching people do badly, so we try our best to make sure they never get a chance to fail by berating them and lowering their ambitions. For our own selfish, insecure reasons, we cannot bare the sight of somebody giving their all and coming short. Obviously, failure is the first step towards success, but as moody teenagers we can't think that far ahead and instead just turn the tide on the person trying to prevent them ever doing it again.

That leads me to my next theory, which we can call the "Social authority theory." The idea is that we want power and influence among our peers, so the best way to gain power is to seize it from other people. Whenever we see somebody make themselves trying their best (In turn making themselves vulnerable) we have a tendency to use that opportunity to make ourselves appear more powerful. Unless the person is a booming success, joking at the "try-er's" expense is usually a good maneuver. The more power a person has in a social circle, the more successful his attempts to bring people down becomes. To put it another way, the rich get richer.

Another theory is the "Jealousy backlash" theory and it's not much more complicated than that. Everybody wants to do well, and watching somebody else do well is painful. In turn, we try to make ourselves feel better by framing that person as a loser, try-hard, or virgin. At some point, we catch on to the fact that effort leads to success, so instead of bettering ourselves by trying a little harder, we take the easier route and tend to our fragile egos.

Finally, we have my favorite theory of all. I like to call it the "Accidental Nihilist Theory." I'm coming up on a full page, so I'm going to write about this tomorrow. 

Until then, take care.

Writing is everything

Today, while walking to work from my car, I felt a strange pang of anxiety. In the quad was a man, and around him were posters strewn about the ground. The only thing I can remember was "#Kanyeforpresident" Oh yea, I forgot to mention he was partially naked, wearing only boxer shorts. It was cold and raining.

I have no idea why I felt anxious as I went past this bizarre political display. My first instinct, with my obsession with "creative productivity," was to accredit this wave of discomfort to my lack of writing this morning. I haven't had the chance to express my own ideals, so I need to do that. Maybe I was right. As I write this, as a matter of fact, I feel any anxiety I have slowly fade away. The more I write and express myself, the less anxious I become.

Then why do I still feel, sometimes, like writing is the last thing I want to do? I understand so well that more writing = feeling better. To produce is to feel confident. It is literally the first thing I think about when I feel an inexplicable tightening in my chest. It's becoming a part of me to desire the next writing project.

According to the great Mark Cohen, "Writing is fucking hard." It definitely is. Any sort of plans to do any sort of writing garners some sort of resistance. Personal journals, I don't want to access that part of myself. Stand up, I don't want to bomb on stage. Screenwriting, I don't want to stare at a blank screen and feel the failure take over me. Rapping, I'm white. Poetry, well, poetry is dumb, right?

So here I am, again, writing in my blog. It's a bit of a safe haven for me. I can do no wrong in this area. It's not only an introduction to my day's writing, a sort of way to get my brain into gear and warm up my fingers, but it's also where I can plant myself and explore what I'm really thinking. I almost never edit these posts. It's train of thought through and through. That doesn't make for the most successful blog in the world (See my viewership on each post) but it does let me be entirely real as well as productive.

So the fact that I can come back to this blog any time I want is a good thing, right? I'm writing now and eliminating my anxiety, right?! I don't really think so. I did use this post as a way to realize what I am worried about, and now that I'm thinking about it I feel that familiar tightness in my chest yet again.

I am graduating in 7 months.

That's 7 months to set up my post-grad life. 7 months is all I get to get myself in gear to become a successful whatever. 7 months to figure out what that 'whatever' is.

As long as every day has this sort of reflection, as well as progress towards comedy writing, then I think I'll land in a good spot. I'm developing a work ethic that I'll need to convince my parents to let me pursue my dreams without taking another job, at least for a little. 7 months to train and produce and perform and fail without the pressure of real life truly setting down on me.

It's fuckin scary. And every day hardly gives any indication of my progress, so all I can do is keep pushing with my eyes closed until success taps me on the shoulder. Keep working, keep taking care of myself, and keep working. That's my mindset. That's all I can ever do.

Time to take care of some business. I'll check in next time.

Rambling, Venting, Brainstorming.

I got a test back today. 91! I expected to get a way lower grade than that, honestly. Sometimes you just get lucky.

Today is looking like it's gonna be pretty hectic in terms of writing. For tonight, I need to make an entire Trivia powerpoint. Those take about 2 hours to make, so I hope I can knock that out during my shift. When I finish that, I need to work on my screenplay and try to get at least 8-10 pages done of that. If I show up to class tomorrow with 20-25 pages, I don't think my professor is going to be that upset (the deadline was 30 pages)

Currently, I'm considering buying a sweatshirt with my tag on the back. It would cost $90, which is definitely a steep price. It would be so great though, and I would wear it literally everywhere. I think it would be worth it, but that's literally 9 hours of my life given away just for a sweatshirt. If I'm going to buy that, I need to take a break from going out to eat for a week or so.

The craziness of college life is annoying me lately. I would like it if I knew how each week was going to go, with trips and vacations planned of course.  I don't really like having random obligations spring up every day, and different work being presented to me every day. I'd also prefer if this blog were more of an opportunity to write about subjects interesting to me and develop material, rather that what it is now, which is just a place to vent.

Or to brainstorm, I guess. I had a couple of ideas for this trivia night... But I just cant remember them... Baseball was one. Comedy of the 90's. Anatomy maybe? I'm just babbling on to myself now. I also need a final question. This is a lame ass blog post.

Not having an audience for this is pretty cool. I don't feel the pressure of needing to appeal to anybody, make someone laugh, give a good impression. Maybe I'll never give away this little sanctuary I got going and just keep it a journal that could be leaked and ruin my life if anything incriminating is inside. I'm bored now.

I'll check in tomorrow, I guess. I don't feel like starting this trivia at all, so I'll do it in small steps and take many, many breaks.

Dreams of the Future and Boring Introspection

Okay, Ill admit it. I took some about 3 hours ago. I have a lot of stuff to catch up on, as well as two tests to study for, so I'm going to excuse myself of any guilt and ask anyone reading this to do the same. Sorry Dad/Mom if you're reading this. Just know that I'm very responsible and take care of myself well.

Speaking of study drugs, yesterday I was reading a little bit about a new drug called modafinil that's gaining some traction online. It is supposed to give similar effects to adderall and vivanse, with less chance of addiction. It's apparently not an amphetamine, which is very appealing. The fact that most study drugs are amphetamines are the number 1 reason why I'm afraid of them. They are incredibly potent and abused all over the country! Now that there's an alternate available, with plenty of rave reviews online from drug forums and other sources, I'm thinking about it. If the biggest reason as to why I shouldn't give it a shot is that I'm cheating, or a dogmatic clinging to the notion that "Drugs are bad," then I'll do it. I'm definitely going to think about it more, though. This whole buying online with sketchy mc-sketchpants websites is enough to make me hesitate.

This weekend was a hella good time. I'll say it now, even though I didn't tell my Mother yet, I got a speeding ticket. It's my second ticket, but I still have no points on my license (yet) because I did a program with the first ticket to make sure it didn't add points. Apparently this time the cop will help me out to make sure the same thing happens, for the price of a more expensive ticket. God damnit.

It's interesting though, and kind of nice, to have the worst thing in my life be a speeding ticket. I'm not stressed about my classes, I'm not behind on any work, my relationship is going great, and I'm healthy. I have a good job and money coming in, so it's not going to kill me to have to pay an expensive ticket. It definitely still sucks, and will probably lead to me not speeding in the future (hopefully), but I'm not taking it too badly. If I were a religious man I would say this was God's way of testing how happy I am, and my patience with his... master plan.. I guess. I don't know, all I know is that I'm chillin.

I've also been doubling down on figuring out what the hell I want to do when I get out of college. I think right now I want to take a couple of months off to see how I can fare with comedy/smash as a lifestyle. It will take some convincing to my parents to be okay with me literally being jobless for two months, but I think that if I work really hard I can possibly make some money doing what I love. Maybe I will take one month to just write, perform, practice, and compete, and see how that goes for me. Maybe month 2 Ill take a part time job and keep doing what I'm doing, then month 3 I'll start looking for a career if I don't make too much progress. It just seems so appealing to me to be able to spend every hour of the day working towards my goals, instead of working for some other company just to make money.

But the thing is, I have so many goals right now that I don't know the best place to start. I think my biggest goal is to get a job as a comedy writer and go from there. If I keep on writing, networking, and performing then I can definitely do it.

If I get a job as a writer, then I think the next step would be to start streaming. I love video games, I love performing, and I love improv, so I think having a stream would be a great way to incorporate that into a tangible, marketable product.  I would be a hella good streamer.

But this is all thinking of the future, and I have a hell of a long way to go. First step is to get my degree, which is the next thing I'm going to work on with writing my Screenplay and making a study guide for one of my classes. I'm ready to get my life started, so let's see if I can work hard while doing everything else that I'm doing.

That was a pretty hard rant to follow, and mostly a freewrite, but that's the point of this blog anyway. It always feels good to come back to this after a weekend of not writing. That's a great realization for me.


Till next time.

Focus, focus, fucos

I feel like shit today. I've felt like shit for a month now and it's starting to wear me down.

Yesterday I didn't write and I felt it. Just more reaffirming that I need to write in order to feel normal. I just didn't have the energy, I guess. I also need to study and I felt that every time I sat down to do anything I was doing the wrong thing. I still feel unprepared for this test.

I feel even MORE unprepared for my other tests coming up, which are arguably way important. But I just feel myself caring less and less about grades and tests. I want to have my days be less stressful. Not exactly a unique sentiment, I know, but it's just becoming more of a reality now that after school my life becomes so much more open ended.

I've been thinking more and more about how I want to spend my post-grad life. I know I can have a good work ethic, so It's all about working hard every day to make sure I'm working towards a goal and having fun. The weird thing is, If I want to be a performer/personality/comedian then I need to work on my brand. I have the potential to show off on everything I do, this blog for example has yet to be "announced" or advertised in any way. I have plenty of rap material that I can start making into songs, and I also have a few poems that could be recorded. I could write 3 skits a week and work for a start up entertainment company.

I want to keep doing all of these things, just writing and writing and writing. Finish my spec to show to other comedians who like the show. Make a video here and there and hope it catches fire. My resume is small for now, but the more it grows the better each piece gets better (hopefully) and I increase my value as a creative. I just gotta keep pushing.

The problem now, though, is this schoolwork. Even now, when I'm doing the one thing I feel is most important, I feel this guilt that I'm not studying and I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I need a study partner for Geography class. Maybe I just need to delegate my time better or start exercising.

Moments of stress pass through me as I write this, and it kind of sucks. Maybe I need that stress so I can get back to what's important and not fail out of school. I just want this damned test to be over with so I can get on with my life. Also, being at work doesn't make me feel too much better. I'm also super tempted to just go on Facebook and Reddit and do absolutely nothing until test time, but I know that would not make me feel good in the long run.

Backing up a bit, I've been debating whether or not I want to start sharing my blog posts. I don't think that I want to, at least not yet. I'm not actively trying to make content that people care about, I'm just getting used to writing consistently and sharing my opinions to a blank screen. The more I care about people reading my blog, the less likely I am to stick to it. Once I know that I need this thing to carry on in a productive way, while also making articles that are interesting to read, will I share it on Facebook and with family. That won't happen for a while, though.

Until then, I'm oing to enjoy this lovely work day at 10:30 and try to think about sleep. I cannot focus.

Best Freestyle rap to date

I just feel like free styling, it's been a wee while since I've appealed to the lyrics spillin deep from my soul, never again do I waste time not working towards a goal, gonna grow till I grow old.


Hope to one day put on a show, look on till acid snow passes and burns away the grasses, till the summer is infinity, till winters never limiting, till the threat of global warming is no longer forewarning its something we're just living. So I keep spitting.


Im busting with the gifts I deserve to be giving, im spinning a web of artistry, I marvel at the cost of wishing I was starring in a show the whole world knows, also, indulging in forever flow, but instead Im starving going for a door that's heavily guarded


too far and over a tar pit, its the course of obstacles, I look back at lazy days prayin on a popsicle. Where everytime that I wanted to shine I thought I had time, never a bad time, callin on land lines, listenin to sublime, I thought that the band's fine.


Even as a child I sat down to write, never forget the first fiction, I won a fight. My imagination was endless as a kid, bendin the reality of life to my wishes, it didn't get me kisses. Good thing I picked a hobby worth grabbing as a youngin, Im lucky for my lack of luggage. Its out of chance I didn't lead a life of thuggin, harmony instead of strife and struggling. I was never bothered or suffered, I had a clever father, loving mother, they cared for me, sadly, not care for each other. Because of that my comedy repertoire is buffer.


I think that rap is healthy for the mind, I'm too kind, I try but it's hard to produce true rhymes, I refuse to abuse lies, have the blues but say I'm fine. Never losing if I pursue the best line.


It's chest time! I'm not going to the gym, Theres a reason for my treason, I wanna win, but stay thin. My brothers bother me, like gains are winning the lottery. My arms are not existing to impress with heavy lifting, I intend to create gems and gold, sifting just to find the coal.


Creativity is crazy, but production? Contradicting. If it's coming from some lobe deep inside my brain, ur gonna need to probe my lower lobe to see if theres a stain, where my hidden genius is stayin, if there's a couch on which he's layin, or if he sits there watching Netflix all day, ironic if he's wastin time, maybe he writes songs to sing while sitting watching stranger things?


But now my shift is over, time to go, I didn't write too slow, but later if I'm feelin crazy ill amaze thee with my blogger flow.

Just Melee stuff

I've been ITCHING to get back into writing. What a great sign, huh?

I guess I'll start with this weekend. I don't remember Friday, so I don't know if that is a good sign or not. I think I just hung out and watched over the house during our social event. Nothing crazy.

Saturday was pretty eventful. I had to go to a retreat for SAAC that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. What was originally planned to go from 11-6 ended at around 2, so I used that extra time to play a whooooollleee lot of smash bros. I think I played for about 4 hours with Dan and Justin, the two kids at SUCO right below my skill level. It was a great session, where both of them were taking games off me the whole time. Another great sign, I cannot sleep on these kids at all. Improvement all around, I love it.

Saturday night was a small social event where I introduced a game to everyone and it ended up being a lot of fun. Black out board ended up being a perfect game for that crowd, and I think it brought a bunch of people together. The night ended at a decent time, and forcing Ashley to go out ended up working out. I just can't call her a "big ol bitch" anymore without triggering her. It's an inside joke, I'm not abusive.

Sunday was a tournament day, and for the first time in forever I had to travel 2+ hours by myself for a tourney. I wanted my boy Suarez to come (who would have easily swept 64 and Smash 4, making about 100 bucks. If John's reading this then I'm proud of you for studying) but he stayed home. I went to the tournament with no anticipation, no anxiety, no judgements. I just wanted to go and play my damned best, and I took some good games. I took down Barry Blaze and sans before losing to 2Saint, a player from my hometown that just started to go to school up here. It was recorded AFAIK, and it was a hell of a set. He recognized my tilting and seized momentum really well and adapted like a true professional. Expect great things from that kid.

After I lost, I had to play my good friend Pig, who took game 1 in typical fashion. I almost 4 stocked him on FD, also in typical fashion. Game 3 he took me to yoshi's, which seems silly but I like the spirit of it. It's just too good for fox, though, and I could still play my neutral with confidence so I ended up taking that game as well. I love Pig though he's the man. Me and him is the best team ever.

After pig was goodles, who has improved considerably. He didn't show any bad habits until his last stock, and his movement/neutral was way more refined from last time. If I were to lose to goodles now I would not be upset at all.

Goodles was a 2-0, then on to Jmook. Just to give some background information, Jmook has been winning these tournaments for while now. He dominates bing, he dominates Jteg (#1 player in upstate for years) and is just overall an amazing player. Last time I played him was at Jalepeno, and I double eliminated him. This time, we had a Losers Finals set that was Bo3.

The first game he won, the next game was mine. Game three I was down 3 stocks to 1 and made a sick comeback. I didn't pop off, though. I was just focused on Grands.

But grands wasn't even noteworthy! 2Saint decides to get drunk before we play our set, and I just toss him around. He gives up game 2 of set 1, and set 1 of game 2. Ok, I'll take the extra 33 bucks in my pocket. But I wanted a real rematch...

That time will come, I'm sure I will play him all the time.

So, I got 1st place in a pretty stacked tournament. I didn't feel CRAZY accomplished, but I can't take anything away from myself. I stayed composed, I played my best, and I got some good wins. I love melee so much.

I want to write more, but I think I wrote enough as it is. I need to spend a lot of today studying for my Geography test on Thursday, and those tests are hard as hell. It's a ton of information and will just be time consuming to study for, nothing too mentally draining. So maybe I'll be back on blogger later today to talk more about melee, or whatever.

Till next time.

Words I learned to spell: I was so far off from spelling ridiculous that I just replaced it with 'silly.'

Office hours chill.

I just put on the new Tycho album, Epoch. It's pretty great so far, at least the first song is.

I'm also doing SAAC office hours, which really is just sitting in a chair and being available, I guess. I might watch some comedians who are going to perform at NACA also, but I probably won't.

Last night was a lot of fun. SDT had a screw party so I of course went with the Ash-Masta. We didn't go downstairs for too long, and about 20 minutes after getting down there people started to leave. I felt bad for Ashley, she wanted to be the DJ but she didn't have any good songs to play so people started to leave. After everyone left, I started playing my own music and me and Ashley danced for probably half an hour. It was some of the most fun I've ever had with that girl. We have the same taste in music and that's a huge deal.

Before the party, Laugh club went over to Wilbur hall to do some improv with the residents there as a part of the RA's social event. It was definitely fun, but with no warm up and difficult games sometimes the actual improv grinded to a halt. I asked the RA if she wanted to join the club, and she seems like she wants to be a part. We might have just recruited someone, and that's pretty cool.

I also challenged Austin to a write-off because we had opposing ideas as to how a certain skit would go. The idea was that a person had his life in the balance and was sentenced to death by hanging. Before he would be hanged, there would be a game of hangman and the townspeople would guess letters in order to save his life. He wanted to make it like a game show, but I thought it would be better if it was just a game that the Mayor played before people died, or somewhat like a tradition. Every time somebody was sentenced to death, they would play a game of hangman. Maybe two people would be scheduled for that day, with the first person having a really easy word. Maybe because he had a really low level crime. Rather than that, the first person going up was a muderer, so he had an incredibly complex phrase. In just a couple of tries, the townspeople completely nail it. Then our protegonist gets on stage, is accused of grand larsony (even though he just stole a chicken), and given a 5 letter word. The townspeople start off giving decent answers, but then give gradually worse guesses until the entire hangman was made and the man dies.

Pay day Mother F*cker!

I missed class this morning. Like a dumbass, I left my phone in the car overnight and didn't get my alarm. Disappointed in myself that I missed another 8:30 class. Last time I had an 8am I had a similar problem. Never again.

Also, for the first time since getting my phone, I am uploading all the pictures and videos onto a computer. Honestly should have taken care of this months ago, but now is better than never. I've been struggling with having no memory on my phone for so long that it's just become part of my phone, but now I can actually update my apps and stuff. Now I can update my chase app and put money into my account. Finally!!!

I'm also getting paid today, which is going to completely change my day to day life. I'm not gonna ball out, but I am going to be able to pay off some debts and have some money for myself. It might also be a good time to start budgeting myself, but with the amount of income I'm about to be getting (through my long hours at IT and SAAC stipends) I think I'll be ok with just saving 50 dollars every paycheck. If I can get that scholarship too, then my first couple months after school will be so much easier.

I have no idea, still, what awaits me at the end of my college career. I will probably live at home for at least a year. Having access to a car, cheap rent, and home cooked meals consistently is too good to pass up. I can possibly get a job through my mom, and start saving up money to take classes in the city or buy video making equipment. The beauty of writing is that I can take a job and still work on my craft and pursue it as a career. There is nothing stopping me from trying to make it as a writer.

Speaking of that, It's getting to the time where I need to start on this movie. It's been pretty cool to think about in class and meetings with Mark, but I don't want to be scrambling to come up with 30 pages a couple of days before the deadline. I should have 10 pages done by next Friday, definitely.

I just need to write the first 30 pages, which he thinks is the most important part of the movie. I'm inclined to agree, if I presented only the 'fun and games' portion of the movie then there's no telling what the hell is going on. If I can set up the characters and plot, then the rest of the movie comes pretty naturally. It's going to be hella hard, tho. But I believe in this script, and I think that if I stick to it long enough, especially after the end of this semester where I'll have half of it finished, then I can have a movie script that I can present proudly. I'm slowly building up a portfolio, and that's really exciting.

I also have a deadline for my drug rap that I'm still really excited about, October 22nd. Its a song writer's club open mic, so it's the perfect opportunity to present a comedy-rap. The only problem is that I can't write it now.. it needs to be 'in the moment'. I think that's why I'm so excited about it, though.

Laugh club is going on a missionary trip of sorts today. There's an RA at some hall that I found making a poster for an Improv night... so we were going to go over there and commandeer the whole thing. It will be a fun opportunity to work with people who have never done improv before (assuming residents show up) as well as recruit this girl to join our club. Putting our name out there as much as possible is only a good thing. People are really starting to hear about us. I think we're on our way to being a pretty damn good club.

I just had to help somebody with their computer for about 15 minutes. That's ok, part of the job. I was pretty much done with this post anyway.


Words I learned to spell: Commandeer.

Time and time again

I'm writing with a time constraint. It kinda sucks, feels less fun to write down my thoughts when I feel that I need to get good stuff written down. At least I'm taking the time to keep the streak.

My mother ended up being a comedy connection for me yesterday, kinda. I made a post about my Rick and Morty spec, and she said that somebody she worked with had connections with some guy who has a podcast or something, I don't know the details. All I know is that somebody who knows the show looked at what I wrote and complimented. I don't need to imagine what's going to come from it, because I have a feeling that nothing is. It is cool, though, to be appreciated.

Recently I've felt like I'm falling more and more in love with writing. I want to work on scripts and skits a every opportunity. I'm starting to get annoyed at school work (just starting now? I know.) because it doesn't let me do all the things I want to do every day. Obviously this is not a unique problem, everybody wishes they had more time to do the things they want, but I don't think people use their time the same way I do. I'm a pretty busy dude.

Saying that, I totally remembered that I needed to write something for my scholarship, due in 3 days. I'm gonna cut this short, then, but still recognize that I'm happy that I did this. Without opening up blogger and writing my thoughts for a little bit, I wouldn't have remembered. This blog is a very good thing.

Me, myself, and Stand Up

Making a title before a post is pretty dumb. I have no idea what I'm going to write about before I write.

The debate was on last night, but I wasn't able to watch it because of a comedy show on campus. It was a decent turnout, even though I really slacked off with giving people fliers. The comedy show went really well, in my opinion. Sean Leary is a funny guy. He could definitely work on his material a bit more.

I got onstage for a couple minutes too. I had these two ideas that I felt like talking about and they were received somewhat decently. I didn't have any pressure on myself, which made it go well I think. I just wanted to do my two small jokes and be out of there. I think the Night Panther joke has a lot of promise, honestly. Captain America is a somewhat recent film, right?

Ok, let me just tell the joke.

I was watching Captain America: Civil War the other day. I loved it, the action was great, the story was interesting. At one point, we're introduced to the King of Wakanda (Made up country) find out that he's this superhero warrior guy who runs 60 miles an hour and wears a cat suit. At the end of this big long sequence he's arrested by police and the FBI, or something. I think at that point they wasted a valuable opportunity to just give a shot of his home country. Just people looking around like, "Did our king just get arrested? What the hell is going on?" Like that should be making national headlines over there. Imagine if tomorrow Obama was found in Russia just fucking shit up? Blowing up bridges, running the speed of traffic in a cat costume. Republicans would have a field day, I'll tell you that much. Next time he tries passing anything through congress all you'd hear "Do you guys really think this is a good idea, coming from our first cat president? Half cat president, actually."

I had fun trying that bit, but I'm frustrated that the next time I'll be able to try it is 2 weeks from now. I have this love-hate relationship with Standup where I want to be good at it, but I hate only performing every two weeks, or needing to travel to get some stage time. I keep coming up with little jokes that I want to try out, but I want to try it maybe three or four times in a night and build a set that way. Joining the circuit in the City is the best way for me to do that, and the best way for me to get good.

So now the only way to improve is through other mediums. Raps, Poetry, Skits, Sketches, Improv, Freestyling, and videos are all available to me, so why would I put all my effort into finding stage time for stand up? If I have songs or poems or other concrete performance pieces available to me, then I can start building my 10, 15, 30 minute sets through writing instead of experimental performing. I can improve all around as a comedian and carry that into performance, rather than learn how to be a Comedian by struggling as I've done in the past.

I have a weird relationship with Stand up comedy, now. At first, I derived a lot of my self worth from the fact that I could go on stage and perform stuff that I'd written. It was cool. I was confident in my progress and loved imagining myself 10 years down the line doing great things as a comedian. That was in High School, when I had a huge problem with overconfidence and ego.

When I was starting stand up and thought I was doing great, I was more concerned with the future than anything else. I still face this problem of worrying about what's coming up rather than focusing at the task at hand, but I'm trying to fix that. I had, and sometimes still have, a bad habit where I would write for a couple of days consecutively then sort of bask in my successes. Any time I wrote a good bit I would relax until the need to keep writing built up again. It's like riding a bike, I would peddle four or five times then coast until I lost speed and fell off the bike. This is why I have this blog, and set the initial goal to write every day for a month, I want to break this bad habit.

Looking into today, I have a couple of real life things to take care of, then I think I'm gonna try and make more progress on Rick and Morty. I had two good sessions so far, but I want to complete it. It's been going on for well over a year now, if I'm not mistaken. Time to finish what I started.





Words I learned to spell: consecutively.

Progression Reflection

Last night I went to Walmart at 1:30 AM to buy hangers. It took me three tries to get the right ones.

I was in a rare mood of productivity and energy. I don't know how I got inspired, probably just from looking at my room and seeing how disgusting it was, but I stayed focus nearly the whole time and kept myself busy until I was satisfied. Then, this morning, I was tired and went to bed.

Yesterday started out with a big breakfast with my mom. Maybe that's why I had a good day. I never usually eat a high-calorie breakfast like that so maybe I'm just not used to the energy it gives me. I should probably try to have good breakfasts like that more often.

I also spent a lot of the day lounging around or sitting. I napped at 2 while watching football. Maybe if I make sure to spend some time relaxing then I can have better moments of energy that I use to be productive. Maybe the balance is the most important thing.

Then, at 4, I started my 5 hour shift at the labs desk. That sounds worse than it is, because I got to eat in the middle of it and it really doesn't involve any hard work at all. I'm still debating whether or not I should try and drop the shift in order to travel more for Melee. Ultimately, I think keeping the shift is a better move. It's a great opportunity to get my work done and get paid for it. I'm forcing myself to go to the library. Also, dropping the shift would lead to me getting ~500 less dollars by the end of the semester. Seems like an easy decision to me.

During the shift I had Yellow Deli, which was fantastic. Deli pesto, no mustard no onions. It made my day by how delicious it was. I think I'll be allowed to break up my shift with a meal, and that makes all the difference. I just need to rely on other people to get that meal for me. Maybe having healthy dinners that aren't too heavy is good for my productivity.

But maybe it was just the coffee that kept me up and drove me to Walmart at 1 AM. I drank a full medium, and we all know how much that can fuck someone up if drank at 7 o'clock. Caffeine is a beautiful thing, so maybe I should dive right into addiction and try to drink coffee as much as possible.

I think, though, it was the blog and TV writing that put me into that mindset. I know that there is zero downside to writing in this blog or a journal, but I don't do it enough. It should really be an every day thing in an attempt to loosen up my thoughts and get the blood flowing. Last night I made great progress on my Rick and Morty spec as well as finishing up a paper that is due today. When I got home, after an awesome movie night with the roommates watching Captain America, I guess I just kept my momentum going and cleaned about 80% of my room. I then worked out and did my 20 minutes of melee practice before going to bed. Ashley was giving me weird looks the entire time.

All in all, it was a good day. Now is another time of reflection, where I tell myself what I need to do and how I should be proud of myself and all that nonsense. I think just appreciating that I'm capable of days like that is enough. I have a confidence that at any point I can make it a great day by writing, exercising, practicing smash, and taking care of obligations.

Like my mom always says, the more you need to do the more you do. I could easily crumble under the pressure of my responsibilities, all it would take is 2 days of inaction and I would fall so far behind that I would start crying. But after this weekend, after performing in front of the largest audience of my life and making people laugh, after spending time with my friends and girlfriend, after getting $160 worth of food from Walmart, and being days away from a big ol' paycheck, things are looking so good that it's ridiculous. Now all I need to do is apply for a scholarship...

If I don't check in tomorrow then I haven't learned a damn thing.

Writing about meta-writing

Last night I performed in front of the largest audience in my career, somewhere around 1,000 people. From what I heard, myself and my two partners did pretty well. My mom was there too, which made it that much better.

I havn't written in a while, but I'm gonna excuse myself for that. I have been pretty busy, which makes me tired, which makes me not want to write. I have been stressing about the show, too. I'm not gonna sit here and complain about how my last few weeks have been going, especially now that they culminated into an event worth celebration.

I guess the question after waiting weeks to perform is, what next? I have to take a step back and continue the grind, like I have been doing. I also need to make sure that I control my ego with the whole event. I think I've been good with that, so far.

I also need to keep writing. I have a deadline for my movie coming up in October, and I don't want that to creep up on me. I have the Terps audition as well, and I want to absolutely crush it in order to redeem myself. Lastly, I need to finish the Rick and Morty script that I mistakenly shared with my Facebook friends, then not touched since. All these projects everywhere.

So I find myself back on this blog, doing a mix between a freewrite and a journal entry. I'm trying to free my mind of the gunk before I start crafting something worth-while. The problem with doing that after multiple days of not writing is that there's more gunk, Pretty obvious.

Whenever I bring myself back to a blog after not writing for a while all I can do is write about writing, which is what I'm doing now. I meta-write, I guess. That goes away with day two. Day 1 is about writing.

I have a bunch of stuff to work on, then.

Rick and Morty Spec, Movie, Terps rap, Drug rap.

That's actually not too bad.

I also want to get back into smash bros. I'm coming to a big decision right now, which is to give up on my Sunday shift in order to make the Syracuse biweeklies, or do I keep them so I can use the time to write, finish homework and trivia, and make some extra cash. With 10 weeks left, these shifts add up to 500 dollars minus tax by the end of the semester. With no guarantee of making money at smash tournaments, I should probably keep the shifts. Besides, Oneonta biweeklies are gonna start up and those are on Saturdays, so I'll still get some solid practice in. I'm also gonna make the trek to see Jteg and get that nice Marth practice session in,

But I'm sitting here at work wishing I could start working on something substantial. I'll start on my Rick and Morty spec, now. But I wanna check the Giant's game first...



Words I learned to spell: guarantee,

Short spurt

I want to be honest but I don't want to incriminate myself. I'll leave it at that.

I sent mad emails today, made appointments for meetings, and planned out a lot of things into my calendar. I scheduled some times to play melee with the kids on campus. I emailed both advisers and two of my teachers. All shit I don't wanna do.

I think I should start every writing session, or time where I'm free, with a blog post. As soon as I open up Reddit and Facebook I start to spend all my time on that and it destroys productivity. 

I have homework due in a week. Letter to the Editor. I will probably end up writing about smash, or maybe about the comedy world since that's a little more accessible to everybody. She would care more about comedy than a video game.

I want to write another rap, the theme being different "mindsets" for each rap. I gotta start on that and have some fun.

Having days like this really takes a lot of stress off. Having my calendar is going to help me immensely. I just need to make sure I do my homework.

Short one for today, it was just to get my blood moving. LAUGH CLUUUUBBBB

Freestyle 2

Its the freestyle rap part two, who knew, the type of day this kid would go through, doing everything at once cause he wants to, gaining strength from his friends, his family, his boo. He wants to allude to the laughter, but the only time the comedy comes is after he writes down the other things, a call from his mother, ring! The end of the day he's lazy but gotta keep singing praises


Has the opportunity to shine on Friday, turns out the shine got in the way, so he's brain dead instead of using his brain. Wish the writing was necessary, needs more pain. He self shames, to get himself motivated for creating. every moment passed gold that's fast fading, can't keep procrastinating, come up with content, so cool to crack down on what's delivered with cadence. Work hard, so far, making his own fragrance. Oh no, that's not Neo just B.O, riskier than steve-o, mask it with Cheetos. see the flow, see the flow. Imagine if it's said out loud, to a crowd, they love it, im bringing in bread. I can't let one night of writing get to my head. Work harder. I had three hours I worked for ten. I have distractions all over keeping me from reaching Zen. But it's a long day, I get it, get the excuses out now. It's over. I gotta go. An undeserved bow.

Short Freestyle rap

You ever try to type a free style rap, I might like it but im trapped into the habits of slacking and joke cracking folks clapping is what I Imagine but its faster and tougher, less real than it feels, its close.

I hope im closing in but the world around me spins whenever I don't work hard skipping rocks seeing how far they go, give my friends the little bit of advice I know, just a tip, but they slowly get less inquisitive, its my business kid, to slip away from hindrances,

praying I can make it, fake it till I make it, I don't know what "it" is,  don't make the fakeness, the things I create stay amazing.


tell me where the brains is, keep the heat flowing aiming for fools to cool down before they be fainting, I wear my ammo like im preparing for a night heist damn, yo, I might stammer I might bite, ignore grammer cause the zeitgeist says so


Try as I might to spy the light in the sky, I see a star winkin and Im thinking its mine, with time shrinking, it stinks, percy pig is plump and pink, I shutter at the thought of tree huggers humping twigs. Call me aside when I go off topic, I wanna bone when Im alone watching game of thrones, or  chilling with my bop it, it, im hot cause I cope by rockin, dope since I copped these optics, My sister eloped to the tropics, didn't know her bro wanted to go, I told her but she forgot it, I do got more chances, im on a roll with my control over my finances,
My dance skills are advancing



No challenges I'm facing
Balances of crazy shit
Hoping to pass my class with aces
While still getting shit faced
Still on my ass, actin up the travesty
Of the evenings I'm wasting,
With the habits I'm embraced with


But Everytime I practice I go back to the rap its Free style



*EDIT*
This song nerds to get longer



Hey that was pretty good


Words I learned to spell: Hinderances

Back at it again

Went a while. Totally failed my goal of writing every day for a month. That's okay, though.


Writing a journal like this is important. I can't get my self to write when I want to jump into a project or stand up bit or anything similar. Setting the goal of just writing for the sake of it gets me to carry that momentum into actual material. This is my warm up, I guess.


Whenever I go a long time without writing, I write about writing. It's just my way of getting out the guilt I've had I suppose. It's on my mind, so that's what I write about.


It's important that I have the goal to write without any pressure to achieve quality. You could think of it as an Olympic sprinter going for a jog in the morning. He's not trying to break any records at 6 am. It's just to get his blood moving.


In the same vein, when he does try to break his PR, he jogs before. He loosens up before every sprint. I think that's what I need to do.


I also just need to write more. Compare it to my progression as a smash player, where I've made an effort to practice for ~2 hours every day over the last month. I've gotten better. Writing, though, has not been as consistent. If I put the same effort, energy, and focus into writing as I do into practicing smash then there's no way I wont eventually stumble into some success.


But being a creative is hard. When I sit down and stare at a TV doing drills over and over to improve my tech, there is a concrete task at hand. There are objective goals I can reach, and near obvious solutions to problems. I know what to do, and know what I'm doing wrong.


When I try to come up with a skit, sketch, scene, rap lyrics, etc. there's no way to gauge success. I rarely know what the next step is, or when I'm on the right track. Worse yet, I can't ever really tell if I'm getting better. Improvement as a comedian is scary stuff.


That makes it all the more important to keep working on projects, though. Write, perform, edit, perform, record, write, write, write. If I want to be a writer I need to fucking write. Ideas won't ever get me a job.


I ran out of time on celtx, too, which is a total bummer. I have to spend 10 bucks a month to stay with the service. I also need to call them in order to transfer my movie to my original account. It shouldn't be a huge problem, but it's definitely gonna be a pain in the ass.


Other than that burst of guilt about my days have been pretty good of late. My living situation is looking really good, I'm working enough hours to sustain my lifestyle of going to smash tournaments frequently, and I have been practicing.


Today I set up my calendar in Office 365 with my classes, work schedule, and some smash events. I feel like an adult


I'm at work right now,  and shit is getting pretty crazy, so I'm gonna wrap this up. I hope I come back to this soon.


Words I learned to spell: Gauge, calendar

Where do I go from here?

My initial momentum is gone. Which is alright, I'm always like this.

I had a good week going of constant practice, writing, exercising, and low money spending. I think I did, at least. All I know now is that I'm not writing as much or putting in the 2 hours of melee that I said I would. I almost always have this sort of circadian rhythm of creativity followed by lack of motivation, but this time it hasn't affected me as much. All I can do is keep coming back to the blog, keep practicing as much as I can, and try not to spiral into complete apathy like I've done in the past.

I didn't have a completely terrible day yesterday, though. I recorded a rap song I made for the first time with my buddy George. It was a lot of fun, and I'm proud of the work we put into it. After it was all done, we posted it to Facebook and Reddit with lukewarm feedback. It didn't exactly go viral, but it's a start. I'm definitely not done making music like that, it's just too fun.

Now, though, I think the satisfaction of completing a project is making me lack motivation in other aspects. I'm in a state of reflection, and whenever I reflect on something I did I'm not working on the next piece. At the same time, I need to make sure that I'm always improving, so I need to understand what made a project successful or not. I enjoy sitting back after finishing something, and that satisfaction will drive me to keep on working on new stuff, but it also distracts me. It's a weird limbo that I feel will persist as long as I'm trying to be a creative.

It's also cool to have other projects to work on. It's a cool balance to have three things going on, a short term project like the one I just made, as well as two longer projects. I should be using the momentum of a completed work to drive the other projects I have going on. This is also a good time to think of what's coming up and how to prepare for it. I also have a class coming up that will require me to write a movie script throughout the year, so I think I need to finish one of my longer projects before that comes up.

In regards to short term projects, I think something I can perform is needed. I have a couple of options, a poem, a skit, a well-polished stand up bit. My problem with stand up is that I come up with a million ideas, then struggle to develop them. I'll perform them once or twice then lose faith and start writing more stuff. Maybe I need to start thinking of a bit more like a skit, for those in comedy that makes sense. A bit refers more to stand up, maybe a 1-2 minute chunk of comedy around the same premise. A skit is though of a scripted scene, like a micro-play. It can have more than one actor, in fact it usually does. A skit will be rehearsed with every line memorized and performed the same way every time. I need to make my stand up more like a skit.

Stand up is scary too. Super scary. I usually am fine with not doing well, but I just want a bit to do really well and the last time I performed it all fell flat. I think that if I am stationed in the city then I'll go out and perform more regularly, after all stand up is the best way to improve as a comedian. For now though, I want to keep writing, and it doesn't need to be one person comedy that I'm after.

YouTube seems to create a lot of comedians, but I think the quality there is terrible. Their audience is younger, from ages 10-16. YouTubers are loud, fast talking content creators. Their whole business is about pumping out content as fast as possible. It's a great website to put out content, but I think that I want to write and improve my craft, not try to appeal to a wide audience.

A podcast could be cool, too, but that is definitely an investment. Maybe in the future when I have a lot of connections to funny people I can start a podcast for funsies and see where it goes. For now, there's no way I would stick with it, let alone make something good.

LAUGH club has some opportunities coming up that will definitely put a fire under my ass. We, if all goes well, will be involved in three decently sized shows this semester. That's the perfect opportunity to come up with 15 minutes of personal material, as well as writing skits and performing plenty of improv. It's like my last year of school is training me to go out and try to get a writing job. I used to be anxious about school starting, but I'm realizing now how well I set up this year and how well off I can be by the end of it.

Ahhh, It's good to write in this again. I'm ok with failing my goal of writing every day for a month, maybe I'll try it again during the year. For now, I'm gonna try to put some more work into this rick and morty episode that needs to be finished already.

Till next timeeeee

The streak is broken

I fucked it up!

I'm honestly not too upset about it. I had the goal of writing every day for 30 days and it sort of fell flat. But I'm back now, and that's the most important thing. I fell, but I got back up. Good for me.

I also had things to do that threw me off my routine. I went to Long Island after my Monday post to play smash bros with some of the best players there. I stayed overnight, then came home on Tuesday around 7. As soon as I got home my girlfriend arrived, and we spent that night and the next day together. It was a good couple of days for sure.

I also spent time with one of my good friends Taylor. He was my buddy and director in college and graduated last year, so while I was in the island I made sure to visit him and grab a bite and some coffee. He's one of those people I feel I can talk about anything with; art, love, exercising, grief, hobbies. He's one of my best friends, and I hope we keep in touch after I graduate. 

Then, after she left yesterday morning, I slept in until 11 and awoke to a text from my dad asking to get lunch and a movie. Of course I agreed. That took up most of the day, then when I got home I thought I had work until 4. Then I didn't write anything more than a small rap that I posted in my friend's group chat. It was pretty good, though, so at least I wrote something.

If anything, this cements the fact that I need to write in the mornings, after a solid ritual. I finished my smash rap while on the toilet this morning, right after my morning coffee. I could add more, and I think I will, but I could also just record it now and be somewhat proud of it. Writing raps is really fun.

Today, I want to keep the blog post short so I can work on my Rick and Morty spec and get that finished before the summer is over. I wanna be able to show that to people in hopes of landing a job, because I know a lot of people like that show and it could appeal to them more than an original script. Although I should probably work on an original script as well...

Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow! Sometimes the only thing that brings me back to this library is the Pokemon Go progress I make. 

I might be a morning person...

Didn't really need to draw the lottery for this one. After writing about night writing last night (lol) I got up early this morning and had an easier time writing a rap song I've been working on. That was before my cup of coffee, too. I might just be a morning person.

I'm just coming into my twenties, and I never would have expected to be a morning person. I'd assume about 3% of teenagers like waking up before 10am, and I'm barely not a teenager. In previous summers I would wake up early for my job as a counselor, but I hated it. I didn't get to wake up at my leisure, write or read in the morning with a cup of coffee like I do now. I woke up early and worked all day, so when the weekend came I slept until 12 or 1 pm. Then, in the last weeks of summer where my job was over, I would take advantage of sleeping in so that 11am was early for me.

That sounds amazing to a lot of people, but I started to notice the effect of skipping mornings about a year ago. When I wake up after sleeping for ten hours I'm groggy, somehow more tired even after getting more sleep. I would have no creative desire, no ambition to work out or practice smash bros, and would just lounge out. Sometimes I wouldn't even have the energy to eat food until it became dinner time and my mom would make me food. Honestly, it was pretty pathetic.

I think last Summer was the one that kicked that habit out of me. I worked two jobs and kept myself much more active. I would be forced to wake up early during the week then worked until night time on most days. Then, when the weekend came, I would wake up around 10 and start my day. I started drinking coffee, which is the best thing ever invented, and worked out a bit more frequently. I wrote a bit more, and most of the time that was in the morning. Writing at night was tough.

This summer has been great for my mornings. I think I've slept in passed noon once or twice, and I blame that on alcohol. Writing this blog has been a great motivator to take walks in the morning and get myself up early enough that it's not scorching hot when I do. My mind feels more free in the morning and getting myself started on writing is so much easier. I hope I keep this habit going for the rest of my life.

I think Jerry Seinfeld said once that he writes in the morning every day for at least twenty minutes. Before his morning coffee, before everything else, he writes his thoughts into a legal pad he keeps close to his bed. Maybe I should try that too, but what I have going now seems to be going just great. Most days, after I write my blog post, I move onto a different project I've been working on.

And just for shits and giggles, I'll just say what those are. Just in case I look back and get enjoyment out of remembering these, or feel like a total fuckface for not finishing them.

I'm working on a Spec (episode of a preexisting show) for The Adventures of Rick and Morty. When it's done I'm gonna send it to the creators, but mostly I'm just doing it because it's fun and I want to have a T.V episode under my belt for when I start applying for writing jobs.

I'm also working on two rap songs. The most recent is aimed toward people in the smash community who have been making these lame ass diss tracks all the time. I think mine is better.

Also, I have a bunch of one liners that I'm hoping to put into a song because they aren't funny enough to perform in stand up. Maybe if I get enough of them together then the song will be funny. Maybe not, but I want to make more comedy rap songs in the future and this might be a good start.

So that's me, but nobody reads these so I don't need to start sentences with "so that's me." I'm actually happy that nobody reads these posts, it takes a lot of pressure off of writing. I use this more as a personal growth experiment anyway. Also, these writings are boring and mostly just stream of consciousness. I think I'm done now.


Words I learned to spell: Leisure, consciousness